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Je crie, donc je suis

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Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, supreme ruler of Le Château, sworn enemy of canine foe and scourge of Ocado delivery drivers.

Month: Mar 2022

  • Le pain à l’estragon

    Cat Daddy is coping well with life under house arrest. Over the weekend he conducted numerous experiments to see whether wine eased the symptoms of Covid, but unfortunately he can’t remember any of the results so he says he’s going to have to repeat them. In other news, Cat Daddy’s tarragon is starting to sprout…

  • Le Château Arc-En-Ciel

    As you know, Louis Catorze loves having visitors to Le Château and is usually an excellent host (apart from that one time when we didn’t know where he was, then I found him in the shrubbery and had to poke him out with a broom). Male visitors are especially well-received. However, if said male happens…

  • Le point positif

    Merde, merde and thrice merde: Cat Daddy tested positive for Covid yesterday afternoon. To be fair, he’s done very well indeed to get this far without testing positive. But what a monumentally massive pain in the arse. We have had to cancel Disco the dog’s human sister coming for dinner (Friday), Cat Daddy’s rugby hospitality…

  • 20.000 lieues sous le chat

    Every cat person, it seems, has a name for the state of being during which you ask others to bring things to you because you cannot possibly move the cat from your lap. My cousin, for instance, calls it PCP (Pussy Cat Privileges). Cat Daddy and I call it TUC (Trapped Under Cat). However we…

  • Le royaume déchu

    Louis Catorze escaping out at The Front is bad enough. We know this because he has done it countless times, sidestepping all our security measures as if they were just air and rolling on the pavement where dogs have done unimaginable things (ugh). But the idea of him doing it from the uppermost window in…

  • Le miracle du printemps

    Oh. Mon. Dieu. A spring equinox miracle has taken place at Le Château. I was somewhat reluctant to mention it for fear of jinxing it, but I’m going to take a chance. What’s the worst that could happen (apart from plunging back into the unending purgatory that had become our existence prior to this day)?…

  • Le pouvoir du vaisseau mère

    The Mothership seems to be beaming very clear “Go apeshit” messages to the feline population at the moment. This is not good. Louis Catorze, still full of the post-steroid munchies, has been more of a pain than I can possibly describe, with Cat Daddy describing his all-day screaming as “beyond a joke”. Catorze’s French frère-from-another-mère,…

  • Une histoire brève des dents

    As you are aware, the snout-swelling that Louis Catorze experienced after his dental surgery concealed his famous fangs. The swelling has now receded but I still don’t see the fangs returning to their former glory. I recently overheard Cat Daddy saying to Catorze, “Your fangs are coming back, aren’t they, Louis-boy?” to which he replied…

  • Morceaux cassés d’une chose

    Most pet owners will admit that they look after their animals better than they look after themselves, and I am no exception. When I visited the doctor recently about my recurrent headaches*, the consultation went something like this: Doctor: “For how long have you been getting these headaches?” Me: “I don’t know.” Her: “How often…

  • La peau de chagrin (Partie 2)

    Louis Catorze’s skin problem is returning. The fur around his eyes is thinning, and this is the familiar, telltale sign that all could turn to merde if we aren’t careful. In fact, it could very well turn to merde even if we ARE careful. Since we don’t know what causes it, we are still at…

  • Ne l’oublions pas

    Cat Daddy and I have just returned from a weekend away watching Brentford play Norwich. Louis Catorze was left in the care of a chat-sitting friend and, apart from The Curious Incident of the Bubble Wrap in the Night-Time and a LOT of creepy-staring and screaming, he was the perfect host. In somewhat related news…

  • L’élixir blanc

    In my last post I mentioned how easy it was to give Louis Catorze his Loxicom, since I just blobbed it onto his fur and he happily groomed it off. So, naturellement, as soon as that went live, he had to stuff it up. This was the tragic sequence of events that took place the…

  • Où sont les dents?

    Louis Catorze’s follow-up with his royal physician went well. When I stuffed him into his transportation pod, naturellement there was the usual unearthly screaming. Yet, on the walk over to the practice, he was eerily silent. This is most unlike him. The only moment that he let out a little squeak was when we passed…