As you know, Louis Catorze loves having visitors to Le Château and is usually an excellent host (apart from that one time when we didn’t know where he was, then I found him in the shrubbery and had to poke him out with a broom).

Male visitors are especially well-received. However, if said male happens to be gay, Catorzian excitement levels go stratospheric. And that is what happened when a friend came over last week (before Cat Daddy tested positive, I might add).

As we weren’t going to be home when our friend arrived, we gave him a key and he let himself in. The sequence of events was as follows:

1. Catorze: “Ooh, a stranger dans mon Château! I must investigate!”

2. Catorze: “A man! Ooh la la!”

3. Catorze: “A BONHOMME WHO PREFERS THE COMPANY OF BONHOMMES! ONE OF MY PEOPLE!”

4. Friend sits down. Catorze is all over him.

5. Friend stops stroking him for 0.4 seconds. Catorze is highly affronted by this and bullies him for more cuddles.

6. Friend leans over onto one side in foetal position on sofa to make himself comfortable.

7. Friend dozes off and wakes up like this:

8. Catorze bullies him into lying flat on the sofa so that he can curl up properly on his lap.

9. Cat Daddy arrives home to find them asleep together.

10. Cat Daddy sits down and chats to friend. Catorze takes a whole ten minutes to exit friend’s lap and go and greet his papa.

11. Cat Daddy and friend open wine at 4:30pm (!) and go outside. Catorze follows and continues to pester friend.

12. I come home to two drunk men and a screaming cat.

13. I tell friend that Catorze fights with most other cats but loves hanging out with unneutered males. Friend spits out wine through laughing so much.

The moral of this story is twofold and takes the form of “Good news, bad news” which is, by now, familiar in Catorzian lore:

– Our cat is a delightfully affectionate little soul, and it makes me so proud when visitors say they’d like to take him home.

– Our cat would be beyond useless during a home invasion and would most likely snuggle the burglars, make them a cup of tea and tell them to take their time.