Category: Uncategorized
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What’s a moment in your life that felt like it was straight out of a film? Unbelievably, despite being witchy, I haven’t actually seen THAT many films or TV shows about witchy women. But I know that every single one of them ought to share a house with a black cat and, if that cat…
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It really wasn’t fun last week, having to endure searing heat whilst living in a small, terraced London house designed for temperate-to-cold weather. Even my Oura ring thought I was dying: It wasn’t easy for black animals covered in fur, either. But Louis Catorze managed to tolerate the raging hellfire, partly due to knowing all…
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I don’t know what’s going on with cats at the moment, but they all seem to be on some sort of synchronised bullshittery bonanza. I taught an online lesson a few days ago, and all was going well until I asked the student to pick up the novel and turn to chapter 53. Her fluffy…
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If there is a less fun place than the vet during a heatwave, I don’t want to know what it is. And it’s even worse when said visit ends up being a catastrophic waste of time. You don’t have to ask me how I know this, because you’re about to find out. Louis Catorze needed a…
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It’s still too bloody hot in London. In fact, the hottest place in the whole country on Bank Holiday Monday was about half a mile from us. Naturellement, Louis Catorze thinks that now is the time to sit on my lap. No, he hasn’t suddenly decided that he likes me. I imagine that this new-found desire…
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Merci à Dieu: it’s half term. For most teachers, this means switching off the dreaded weekday alarm and having a lie-in. For me, however, this means being woken by a bastard cat, forty minutes before my weekday alarm would ordinarily have gone off. I have no idea why Catorze has decided to do this now.…
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What is the meaning of life? Boxes! And every single cat in the world agrees. I have just bought myself some new shoes. And Louis Catorze is delighted about this, because he has been able to commandeer the box and use it as a bed. Yes, ANOTHER bed. In addition to the 1,643 beds that…
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If you have ever met a British person, you will know that we all have at least one massive plastic carrier bag in our house, filled with numerous smaller plastic carrier bags. It’s practically the law here in the UK to have one of these; any Brit claiming not to is either a liar or…
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The flimsy, gossamer-thin silver lining of both of us being at home during Louis Catorze’s food bullying is that the impact is halved. However, when it’s just one of us home alone, that person really does feel the full force of it. Whilst I successfully escape and spend my day with the comparatively cushy task…
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The first of Louis Catorze’s birthday flotilla parties took place on Saturday. Sadly, having worn himself out from screaming all morning, the birthday boy let us down by sleeping through most of it, and his guests barely saw him. Although it wasn’t blazing sunshine by any means, we were still able to sit outside for…
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I have decided that, rather than ignoring my Oura ring’s passive-aggressive messages telling me to move my lazy arse, I probably ought to start taking some notice. Otherwise there’s not much point in having a fitness tracker. I have started dancing to try and achieve my step target, either when I come home after school…
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Louis Catorze has figured out that, if he creepy-stares for food during my workout, I won’t respond. Now, before you all start piping up in his defence, this is the way it has to be. If I interrupt him things to give him even one tiny morsel, it will condemn me to a fate of…
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Cat Daddy and I went to Manchester at the weekend, to watch the football. And it seems that Mancunians are cat people, too: Despite the weekend being non-stop action, we didn’t realise quite how comparatively peaceful was until we stepped back through the door of Le Château, and the screaming started. These are just a…
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If you had to describe your ideal life, what would it look like? Free food, free board, the best private healthcare, and being able to do what I liked, with nobody calling me out on my shit behaviour. Oh, wait … For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
louiscatorze.com 