Category: Uncategorized
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Our relationship with Ocado has been, erm, complicated at times. And it’s all Louis Catorze’s fault. Luckily, now that he’s a bit older, he seems to be growing out of his habit of harassing drivers when they arrive, screaming at them and circling their feet to trip them up. However, reduced energy certainly doesn’t mean…
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Remember when I had to lock myself in a room with Louis Catorze because he couldn’t behave during Zoom calls? Well, now, I am locking myself in a room with him because he can’t behave generally. It beggars belief that this is what has become of me. When the beautician visited recently, naturellement Catorze barged…
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Louis Catorze has started requesting to go out at The Front every evening. He often does this when it’s warm outside and, although I wasn’t keen at first in case he tried to cross the road and consort with marauding youths in the park, so far he seems able to have been sensible and stay…
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If you could erase one event from history, what would it be? This one from 2017: A couple of days ago, Oscar the dog’s mamma told me that she had seen a large brown rat in their garden. Ever-hopeful, I asked her if she were sure that it wasn’t a very big mouse, or an…
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What’s a conspiracy theory you actually find believable? The Uprising is nigh. Black cats are masterminding it, with the aid of their ginger footsoldiers. But every single cat on the planet – yes, even yours – is either an active conspirator or, at the very least, a sympathiser. For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
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Another week, another heatwave. This one was the fourth this year (or maybe the fifth, I can’t remember) and, once again, the hottest place in the UK on the hottest day of the week was Kew Gardens, 0.6 miles from us, at 38.1°C. On Friday we received a government emergency alert on our phones, the…
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The cold water tap in our kitchen is leaking. It varies from a light but steady flow to a drip per ten seconds, but it never fully stops. Cat Daddy was all for just ignoring it until I showed him exactly how much water was being wasted: a washing-up bowl placed under the tap at…
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Cat Daddy’s recovery has been a mixed bag so far. Physically, everything is healing as it should. However, I fear that Le Château is not a suitable environment for someone recovering from surgery, and this is mostly Louis Catorze’s fault. His actions, so far, have included the following: Poor Cat Daddy, having been desperate to…
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Just before his knee surgery, Cat Daddy had another Zoom call. He messaged me asking if I could be prison officer again, but unfortunately I didn’t see the message until just AFTER I had turned Louis Catorze loose in the house. So he had to recapture the inmate and haul him back to the cell…
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Share a photo of your pet and tell us one thing that makes them uniquely them. Years ago, when we adopted our first black cat, we would wonder how to tell ours apart from others. Oui, Mesdames et Messieurs: we were part of the brigade who thought that all black cats looked the same. If…
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After a number of consultations, Cat Daddy has finally had the first of two knee operations. He came home yesterday and, as he hobbled up the front path with his crutches, Louis Catorze sat on the bottom step and screamed and screamed. Cat Daddy says he wishes he were still at the hospital. It’s not…
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Cat Daddy had another Zoom call the other day, which meant that I was on prison officer duty minding Louis Catorze in a locked cell. Just before the call started, Cat Daddy told me that he had already contained the inmate, so all I had to do was go into the front room and join…
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Remember when Louis Catorze liked wet food, then he didn’t, then he did, then he didn’t? Well, now he does again. The little sod had been looking a bit haggard and brittle, so we decided to see if he would eat the wet food left over from his last sojourn. We were pretty sure he…
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If you had to give one life-changing tip, what would it be? If you have a cat, don’t bother trying to have professional Zoom meetings in your house. Seriously, just go to someone else’s house to do them. Or hot-desk somewhere. Or sit in your car. Anywhere but your house. Remember when Louis Catorze used…
louiscatorze.com 