Category: Uncategorized
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Louis Catorze has figured out that, if he creepy-stares for food during my workout, I won’t respond. Now, before you all start piping up in his defence, this is the way it has to be. If I interrupt him things to give him even one tiny morsel, it will condemn me to a fate of…
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Cat Daddy and I went to Manchester at the weekend, to watch the football. And it seems that Mancunians are cat people, too: Despite the weekend being non-stop action, we didn’t realise quite how comparatively peaceful was until we stepped back through the door of Le Château, and the screaming started. These are just a…
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If you had to describe your ideal life, what would it look like? Free food, free board, the best private healthcare, and being able to do what I liked, with nobody calling me out on my shit behaviour. Oh, wait … For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
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What do you do to be involved in the community? Cat Daddy told me the other day that he had “important neighbourhood news which would permanently change the way we live our lives”. I thought it was going to be about the car parking in our street, or the accursèd number 65 bus which randomly…
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An Amazon parcel arrived at Le Château the other day. Me: “Is that for me?” Cat Daddy: “No, it’s for Louis.” Me: “It is not.” Him: “Yes, it is. I bought it for him.” Me: “You bought him a present?” Him, on the defensive: “Yes! What’s wrong with that? Can’t I buy my cat a…
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List the people whom you admire and to whom you look for advice. I don’t have a list. But, if I did, and BBC Weather were on it, they would be firmly crossed off. With opaque permanent marker. Mon Dieu: would you believe that the day-long thunderbolts and lightning forecast for Sunday didn’t happen? The…
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Thank you so much to everyone who sent birthday wishes to Louis Catorze. Cat Daddy and I made the decision to postpone the Sweet Sixteen party due to the weather. They haven’t just predicted a few showers; it’s an apocalyptic thunderstorm all day, with lightning forecast at 1pm, exactly the time that we had planned…
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Louis Catorze is sixteen today. And, a few days ago, the lucky boy received a whole side of hot-smoked salmon as a birthday present, from one of his wonderful pilgrims. I was initially against the idea of Catorze having extraneous food whilst being treated for hyperthyroidism. However, since he’s been doing much better on the medication,…
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It’s Beltane soon and, this year, it coincides with a full moon. These magical big hitters together usually spell trouble in terms of feline madness, and this year is no exception. Rodan climbed next door’s tree and was seen (and heard) massively upsetting a magpie. The humans suspect he was trying to go for the…
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What are your favourite emojis? Obviously the black cat emoji 🐈⬛ is one of my favourites. And, yes, I am still absolutely enraged that they only introduced it in 2020, whilst the ginger cat, and the weird yellow cat face that looks more like a gerbil, were in existence for years prior to that. However,…
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Le Rat is still at large. This is very concerning news, especially as Louis Catorze’s Sweet Sixteen party is just days away. Meanwhile, on the south coast, Catorze’s cat-cousin Roux managed to catch the mouse/rat that she’d brought into the house in the first place, only to release it into a different room which has…
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Because our house is so small, the only area large enough for me to do my morning workout is the kitchen. (Oui, Mesdames et Messieurs: despite Le Château’s grandiose name, it’s only really Château-y if you’re a tiny, 2.7kg cat.) Unfortunately the kitchen is also Louis Catorze’s prime creepy staring spot. And, because there is…
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Louis Catorze still hasn’t caught the rat. I expect most of you probably knew that anyway. I was starting to feel quite ashamed to have a cat that didn’t do its ONE JOB, but it seems I am not alone in suffering from such feline uselessness. Zelva, who is probably not far off the same…
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How do you unwind after a demanding day? Unwind? In this house? You must be joking. This was the sight, and sound, that greeted me after work not long ago: I don’t know whether Louis Catorze escaped out at the Front or whether he was kicked out because Cat Daddy had had enough. Not that…
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