louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
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Merde: we have another heatwave this week, with severe weather warnings in London today and tomorrow. This week, Cat Daddy will be spending a whole day babysitting a two- and a five-year-old. I will be teaching teenagers and taking a group of them on a theatre trip. I don’t know which of us will have…
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Cat Daddy, to Louis Catorze: “Why are you lazing around indoors when it’s such a beautiful day? Why aren’t you outside, enjoying your last summer?” Me: “What do you mean, “last summer”? You think he won’t have any more? Not even one?” Cat Daddy: “SEVENTEEN, though? Come on.” Why not? After all, we didn’t think…
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If you could instantly master any skill, what would it be and why? I’m not sure whether it’s a “skill” as such, but Louis Catorze would be master and commander of storms. He loves them so much that, as soon as he hears thunder or rainfall, he stops whatever he’s doing (which, usually, isn’t a…
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The World Cup started last week. This is great for Cat Daddy and me, because it will be wall-to-wall football for the next month or so. It’s even better for Louis Catorze, because we’ve planned a couple of watch parties and MEN will be visiting us. Cat Daddy: “We should do a sweepstake. Nothing complicated,…
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Write your guide to setting healthy boundaries in relationships. Louis Catorze has had a busy weekend, with the second of his birthday flotilla parties taking place. He wore himself out by screaming himself senseless at his guests but, luckily, they are cat people so they understood. At first, they described his screaming as “not that…
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What’s a cultural tradition from another country that you wish existed in yours? In Ancient Egypt, cats were worshipped as gods. I expect Louis Catorze wishes that the rest of the world would also OH NEVER MIND. For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
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Cat Daddy and I have just spent a few days in East Sussex, visiting my sister and her family. If you ever thought your cat was an insufferable pest when it came to food, you really ought to meet South Coast seagulls, whose food-bullying is like nothing on earth. These evil, feathered demons think nothing…
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Cat Daddy and I have just finished the last of Louis Catorze’s birthday hot-smoked salmon. And the whole débâcle drove Catorze absolutely insane from start to bitter end. Cathie, if you’re reading this, this is your fault. First of all, there was the screaming. “But he screams all the time anyway.” Trust me, we know…
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Share a proverb you think is completely wrong and make your case. The above proverb means, “The cat who frightens mice away is as good as the cat who eats them”. It’s not that I think this proverb is WRONG, as such. It’s more that I’m mystified as to how my family has ended up…
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What’s a moment in your life that felt like it was straight out of a film? Unbelievably, despite being witchy, I haven’t actually seen THAT many films or TV shows about witchy women. But I know that every single one of them ought to share a house with a black cat and, if that cat…
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It really wasn’t fun last week, having to endure searing heat whilst living in a small, terraced London house designed for temperate-to-cold weather. Even my Oura ring thought I was dying: It wasn’t easy for black animals covered in fur, either. But Louis Catorze managed to tolerate the raging hellfire, partly due to knowing all…
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I don’t know what’s going on with cats at the moment, but they all seem to be on some sort of synchronised bullshittery bonanza. I taught an online lesson a few days ago, and all was going well until I asked the student to pick up the novel and turn to chapter 53. Her fluffy…
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If there is a less fun place than the vet during a heatwave, I don’t want to know what it is. And it’s even worse when said visit ends up being a catastrophic waste of time. You don’t have to ask me how I know this, because you’re about to find out. Louis Catorze needed a…
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It’s still too bloody hot in London. In fact, the hottest place in the whole country on Bank Holiday Monday was about half a mile from us. Naturellement, Louis Catorze thinks that now is the time to sit on my lap. No, he hasn’t suddenly decided that he likes me. I imagine that this new-found desire…
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