Our relationship with Ocado has been, erm, complicated at times. And it’s all Louis Catorze’s fault.
Luckily, now that he’s a bit older, he seems to be growing out of his habit of harassing drivers when they arrive, screaming at them and circling their feet to trip them up. However, reduced energy certainly doesn’t mean reduced embarrassment, as I found out the hard way a couple of days ago.
When Ocado delivered, Louis Catorze came out of wherever he’d been hiding and decided to stick his face into all the bags. Standard Catorzian behaviour, naturellement. The driver asked if I’d like him to bring the groceries indoors, at the precise moment that I glimpsed two piles of cat puke on the hallway floor. The poor man would not have been able to enter the kitchen without slaloming around them.
Unfortunately my mouth and body hadn’t quite caught up with my eyes, and I had already started to say yes and point him through to the kitchen. So what I actually ended up saying in response was something like, “Yes, thank yohhhh MY GOD NO”, with a an awkward, jerky wave of the arm as if trying to swat invisible flies. He gave me the “I was only trying to help” look and then left hurriedly.
Cat Daddy, later: “You should’ve just said, “Yes, thank you, but don’t step on that bit of floor where my cat’s just puked”.” Erm, no. I will not be saying that, not in this lifetime, nor in the next.
Luckily the chances of seeing that driver again are slim, as I don’t think we’ve ever had the same one twice. That said, after all our incidents* with them, they probably all have a WhatsApp group chat dedicated to this address and are talking about us among themselves.
*This was absolutely excruciating.
For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
louiscatorze.com 
Leave a comment