Our pubs are officially open from today.
However, Cat Daddy and his boozing buddies have decided that they won’t be heading back to the Cock and Bull* quite yet, and that they will continue their virtual drinking meets for the time being. This is great news for Louis Catorze, who loves the Friday night Zoom sessions with the boys, and even better news for me as I get to listen to their captivating chats and tell you all about them.
*I haven’t made this up. This is the actual name of the pub where they used to meet pre-lockdown. I KNOW.
Anyway, for those who are interested, their most recent meeting of minds consisted of the following topics:
1. Eric Clapton
2. Playing whole albums on Spotify/Deezer/Apple Music/whatever, versus only playing selected tracks
3. Who has the biggest car (Tim, Mike and Simon fought it out between them and couldn’t agree, so the conclusion remains inconclusive)
4. Plastering, and the fact that you can (apparently) now get paint which is the same colour as plasterboard
5. Lawn bowls
6. Sutton Beer Festival 1975, when (apparently) a naked lady climbed to the top of a marquee and a naked man chased after her
7. Pete’s summer house/shed, and whether it should be called a summer house or a shed
8. How much salt everyone adds when they’re cooking
In other news, just when we thought it couldn’t get any worse, CANNIBAL RATS. Oh yes. 2020 has already given us blazing infernos (Australia), raging floods (UK), a plague of locusts (Somalia) and a killer virus (erm, everywhere) but, if you drew “cannibal rats” in your workplace sweepstake as the next thing to go wrong in the world, you may well be in the money. On the positive side, the reopening of pubs may draw the little critters away from residential areas. But that’s about the only good news that there is.
Be warned, this link is a darkly comedic yet horrifying read:
Thank goodness for Catorze and his relentless hours of Rodent Duty. Ok, so it’s not great that he brings them into the house, but I guess a dead rat in the house is somewhat preferable to a live one running freely and making little ratty babies. (There were many, many things in the above link that made me shudder, but “highly fertile” was by far the worst.)
Here is the little sod, having adopted an elevated position for a better view and continuing to take his civic duty very seriously indeed. So, good citizens of TW8, we can sleep soundly in our beds this summer.