Author: iamthesunking
-
One of Louis Catorze’s favourite things to do is step on the TV remote and either change channels or switch the TV to the home screen. He has probably done this about 784 times in the time that we’ve known him, so it’s certainly nothing unusual. If we are doing something he doesn’t like, or…
-
We have just discovered that we can see Louis Catorze’s heartbeat through his bald, shaved chest. Naturellement, the first time we noticed it, we had perfect lighting and a perfect angle, and it was very clear, but we didn’t have our phones handy. We have tried to recreate those same conditions about 962 times and…
-
I am not impressed with Louis Catorze. Yestetday morning I was an hour and three-quarters late with his breakfast*, and the little shit absolutely destroyed my forearm with his digging and scratching. Yes, this is the same cat who is ambivalent about food. For goodness’ sake. *In my defence it was my birthday the day…
-
In the dining room sits a box of canned cat food, all of which Louis Catorze has rejected over time. For ages I’ve been meaning to pass it onto a more grateful cat but, a few days ago, Cat Daddy accidentally gave one to Catorze, thinking it were his current supply, and the little sod…
-
Merci à Dieu: Louis Catorze’s antibiotic course is over. Towards the end I had developed an almost-foolproof knack for applying the liquid: instead of probing around inside his ears, of which he was not a fan, I, erm, turned them inside out. Unbelievably, they stayed like that whilst I was able to wipe them then,…
-
I would like to move out to a rural area one day, later in life. Cat Daddy would probably do so now if he could, and he says that the only thing stopping him is the thought of a bird of prey picking off Louis Catorze, having mistaken him for a largeish rat or ferret…
-
Tell us about your morning routine. Mornings used to be my favourite part of the day: exercise, breakfast, coffee, then read a book with Louis Catorze on my lap. Now, however, they’re absolute shit on wheels. I knew that giving Catorze his antibiotics would be grim, but dear God. Half the battle is catching the…
-
Sorry we’ve been quiet for a few days. However, a lack of posts certainly doesn’t mean a lack of Catorzian bullshittery. Louis Catorze had an absolute blast with his papa whilst I was away. Cat Daddy told me that he showered Catorze with love, “talked to him nicely”, and that Catorze “looked all happy and…
-
I am in Hastings visiting Otis, Roux and their humans, leaving Cat Daddy and Louis Catorze to have a lads’ weekend in London. Cat Daddy was supposed to come with me but, after everything that’s happened with Catorze, although Blue the Smoke Bengal’s mamma had very kindly agreed to feed him, we decided that it…
-
The genie grants you a wish. What is it? Ten days or so ago, the only thing that I wanted was for Louis Catorze to come home. When he had to stay overnight at the vet’s, and that one night then stretched into two, we wondered if we would ever see him again. But he’s…
-
1st October is my favourite day of the year, because all the Hallowe’en anticipation and build-up is still ahead of me. However, this year, with everything that’s been going on with Louis Catorze, it’s been hard to fully feel the start of the Spooky Season. My mind has been mainly on getting him through it.…
-
Our first few days back under Catorzian rule have been quite strange, almost like living with another cat. I’ve even been wondering whether the vet gave us the right one back, but then I remembered that nobody in their right mind would want to keep Louis Catorze. In all the years we’ve lived with him,…
-
What are your best healthy eating habits? I don’t know whether one could describe Louis Catorze’s regime as “healthy” when he eats the best food in the world yet also takes a shit-ton of drugs, but tant pis. I decided to change Catorze’s dry food a month or so before we went on holiday. Although…
-
How do you write what people actually want to read? I’m pretty sure that nobody really wants to read about two hapless Londoners being held prisoner by a psychotic black cat. However, when life is turning to shit, it can be somewhat comforting, in a “There but for the grace of God” kind of way,…
