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Je crie, donc je suis

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Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, supreme ruler of Le Château, sworn enemy of canine foe and scourge of Ocado delivery drivers.

Month: Feb 2022

  • La mise à jour du statut

    I am the worst person in the world. On Saturday, when giving Louis Catorze his Loxicom, it dawned on me that I hadn’t been turning the bottle upside-down to draw the liquid into the syringe. In short, the poor little sod hadn’t had any pain relief since the day after his surgery, and I had…

  • Purrminateur 2: Le Dernier Jugement

    We have been thinking about a suitable punishment for Kurt Zouma for what he did to his cat. Ordinarily, for situations such as animal cruelty, I would be of the medieval “sharp instruments meeting with tender body parts” school of retribution but, since I’m a teacher, I’m not really allowed to say things like that.…

  • Le patient est de retour

    Louis Catorze’s second, and hopefully last, dental surgery went well. He is now minus two more teeth: his last remaining lower canine and the small incisor next to it. And we are minus £435. The timing has turned out to be less than optimal, to say the least. We are barely out of the monetary…

  • Les dents du Roi (Partie 2)

    We have survived Storm Eunice and Storm Franklin and emerged on the other side, triumphant and victorious. Our only casualty was part of the fence separating us from That Neighbour, which means Louis Catorze will now find it easier than ever to pitter-patter over there and annoy him. Meanwhile, Catorze’s food weirdness remains as it…

  • Les chats islandais

    Cat Daddy and I are back from Iceland, and we were lucky enough to land just before Storm Eunice hit. If you have never been to Iceland, I highly recommend it; it’s the most exquisite, enchanting place. I have learned that a single ten-minute mud mask at the Blue Lagoon can miraculously erase several days…

  • Purrminateur: Le Soulèvement des Chats

    Cat Daddy and I are still in Iceland. News from Le Château is that Louis Catorze has latched onto the gentleman of the chat-sitting couple and won’t let him get on with his work. This will not surprise anyone. It seems that the universe has rewarded me for putting principles over points because, last week,…

  • Hotel Diablo

    Cat Daddy and I are in Iceland at the moment, so we spent the last couple of days preparing for the arrival of Louis Catorze’s chat-sitteurs. We systematically have to remind all visitors that Catorze has a naughty habit of entering bedrooms and raising merry hell as people sleep, and this occasion was no exception.…

  • La piqûre magique

    Oui, Mesdames et Messieurs, the answer to Wednesday’s French Wordle was this: I know. I didn’t think proper nouns were allowed but, after some research, I have discovered that a louis is a type of sovereign coin. So I have learned something new. I have to give a special mention to my friend Ben for…

  • Le mot du jour

    In my eight years of writing Le Blog, never have I ever posted twice in one day. So, if you are a regular follower, you will know that this is a TRÈS big deal indeed. If you’re into Wordle, please give the French equivalent, Le Mot, a go today. Even if you don’t think you…

  • Ne déconnez pas avec les chats

    West Ham footballer Kurt Zouma has been cruel to his cat, and everyone in the U.K. is rightly livid about it. This was bad timing as I had just moved him into my Fantasy Football team for the new game week. There is a video online showing what happened, but I haven’t posted a copy…

  • Le Roi Blanc

    Cat Daddy: “Oh my God. What’s happened to Louis’s fur?” Me, imagining the horror of a Code Brun situation: “Erm, why? What’s wrong with it?” Him: “It’s gone all weird.” Me: “???” Him: “Like tiger bread.” Me: “???” Him: “Come and look.” It turned out that the cause of Cat Daddy’s alarm was Louis Catorze’s…

  • L’ambroisie du Roi

    Merci à Dieu et à tous ses anges: after a few months of being out of stock, Louis Catorze’s Orijen is back. Cat Daddy opened a new pack the other day and, for the first time in ages, the little sod wolfed down a whole scoop, without leaving a single crumb. Cat Daddy, assuming I…

  • Les causes de la douleur

    Louis Catorze has been an utter pest for the last few days, and he has neither the moon (nowhere near full) nor the steroid shot (hasn’t taken place yet) as an excuse this time. By day he annoys the merde out of Cat Daddy, headbutting his laptop and screaming, and by night he annoys me…

  • Le Premier Chat

    Louis Catorze is delighted that one of his comrades has infiltrated moved into the White House. And he is not remotely surprised to learn that the cat chose them, and not vice versa, when she decided to join Dr Biden on stage during her husband’s presidential campaign. I imagined that Catorze would be somewhat affronted…