Le printemps est inexorable

~ iamthesunking

It’s official: Cat Daddy has banned the Spring Zing from Le Château. I’m not sure how to keep it out, but I imagine we’ll be covering the windows in tin foil and nailing the doors shut. It’ll be like The Mist meets The Purge, only much less fun because we’ll be sealing the antagonist inside the house with us.

Louis Catorze has lost the plot. On Friday morning he jumped onto Cat Daddy’s record deck and knocked one of our favourite ornaments onto the floor. It didn’t break (although it was already chipped from a previous fall – can you guess how that happened?), but now it’s rolled under the sofa and I can’t reach it.

Immediately after dropping the ornament, he did this:

What even is this? A victory dance? A goal celebration? Nobody knows.

That evening, the shenanigans continued. Catorze jumped onto the side table by the window in the living room, to inform us that he wanted to go out at The Front. He has done this 8,642 times without mishap but, on this occasion, his fat arse knocked Cat Daddy’s favourite mug* off the table, sending tea and broken china in all directions. Unrepeatable Expletives of the Worst Kind were yelled at Catorze (including that really bad one), and I mean YELLED. If you live down our street, you probably heard this. Sorry.

*I Googled it, to buy him another one, and it costs £24. Yes, for one mug. Gaah.

Me, to Catorze: “Aww. Your daddy didn’t mean to call you that name.”

Cat Daddy: “…”

Me, to Cat Daddy: “You didn’t, did you?”

Cat Daddy: “What do you mean? Of course I ****ing did.”

It’s also been kicking off at Maison Blue, although this is Cat Daddy’s doing, not Blue’s. Cat Daddy locked Blue’s keys in the house during one feed, so we couldn’t get in to do the next one. We had to resort to shoving handfuls of Orijen through the letterbox – again – until Blue’s human sister rescued the key and handed it back to us. And, although I have previously icked at the thought of cats drinking water from gross places, this time I’m actually glad because at least his mamma’s bird bath water kept him going.

All this, and it’s not even a full moon yet?

I also checked to see whether Mercury Retrograde was imminent, and it is. Very. Will Le Château even still be standing by then?

Not even Count Dracula, hanging behind Le Roi, can bear to watch the bullshittery unfold.

18 thoughts on “Le printemps est inexorable”

  2. Oh… My… Oh… My…

    Utterly brrrilliant, so do funny, my cheeks are hurting from smiling and I’ve watched the video many times over, just how did his tail make that noise? And his face in the photo just flipping purrrfect, what was do interesting on the wall?? The thing is pandemonium occurs in Alice’s house like this on any day of the week/month/year and it’s not only the cats but my gorgeous grandchildren. When I was last there, Cheeky was happily snoozing in her little tent on the landing and Theo in the spare child car seat beside, I was on the floor in Violet’s bedroom trying to explain to Rory that no matter how sweetly he asked ‘please nanny, do nails’ wanting me to break the rules and put Violet’s nail varnish on him I heard a lot of swearing from Cheeky only to look across and see that Theo was no longer in the child seat but on top of poor Cheeky knocking 10 meows out of her, little… I mean big bastard thug!! But in general between Rory hurling different objects at me or across the room and Theo bolting around the house clearing every surface of any objects, well that’s typical life in their household, so maybe you have been getting off lightly until now… I think you need some good earmuffs to protect your senses from the Cat Daddy expletives for the next couple of days at least! 😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻🐈‍⬛

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    1. It was his back foot, not his tail. He kicks it out every now and again, and it just looked especially silly when he did it on the record deck!

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    1. We weren’t given a contract. We were told that ours is verbal, and that it can change without notice.

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  5. This post is genuinely brilliant and the last picture is utterly frightening.
    Poor you and poor Cat Daddy. Take heart.
    The full moon is due by tomorrow. Let’s hope a little quiet comes after it.

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  7. Maybe it would be safer for all if Cat Daddy stayed at Chateau Blue for the time being…

    In that last picture, what is the purrsonalized item below LeRoi ? At first we thought a pair of socks but on closer inspection it looks more like a tea towel ??

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