louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
Category: Uncategorized
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When quarantine began, I saw an internet meme (I hate that stupid word and am actually glad that my autocorrect changes it to the much more civilised “même”) that read, “We are three weeks away from knowing everyone’s true hair colour.” It’s now MONTHS since we went anywhere near a hair salon, and somehow I…
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And, in a flash, the age-old mystery of why the living room television never works first thing in the morning has been solved. For months and months Cat Daddy blamed our cleaning lady. Then, when we entered quarantine and she stopped coming, he started to blame me for “forgetting how to switch it on” (nonsense)…
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Because Louis Catorze has been spending an awful lot of time here (see below) lately, I wondered if perhaps we should build him a little viewing shelf on the wall. According to Jackson Galaxy (in case you don’t know, he’s an expert cat freak who magically makes naughty ones behave) cats are either deep burrowers…
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Cat Daddy and I have found it difficult to stick to our green routine during lockdown, for the following reasons: 1. Due to lack of availability, we have, at times, had to choose between food wrapped in plastic or no food at all. 2. We haven’t been able to get to the post office to…
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The males in this household are driving me round the bend. A couple of nights ago they stayed up late for an extended Boys’ Club, which is a fairly common occurrence here at Le Château. But, when they finally came to bed at 6am (!), instead of slipping silently into the bedroom, they were irritating…
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This little story did the social media rounds last month, and I really hope it’s true: I like to think that the cats met on their travels, with Cat 2 saying, “I would really like a human sucker whom I can treat like dirt”, and that Cat 1 replied, “I have a plan. I think…
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Coronavirus is now over, and we can all go back to doing whatever we like. Well, nobody has actually said as such but this appears to be what everyone has decided, and Cat Daddy and I are the only ones who are still poking people away with a 2-metre stick. Although, to be honest, I…
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One big difference between me and Cat Daddy, in terms of our attitude and preferences regarding pets, is that he likes show-off animals who do lots of zany things, whereas I just want a quiet one who won’t give me any grief. Blue the Smoke Bengal’s mamma told us last week that, since quarantine began,…
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Oh. Mon. Dieu. We have a Code Roux situation at Le Château, and here is the evidence: These are NOT Louis Catorze’s paw prints, nor are they even feline, as you can tell by their size (pound coin for scale). Mesdames et Messieurs: Monsieur Renard has been on the premises. We have known for a…
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It has been an especially sunny week here in TW8 so Louis Catorze is continuing to wear sunblock on his ears, much to Cat Daddy’s amusement. Sadly we have also had to deal with the usual Catorze contrariness, i.e. he dashes out into the sun before we have a chance to apply the block and,…
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Good news: Louis Catorze is now completely off the steroids. Bad news: this has made absolutely zero difference to the level of psycho in his body, which remains unchanged. One of my friends told me that it took a few days for the effects of the steroids to leave the system. Erm, yeah, I don’t…
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Good news: Thursday’s Clap for our Carers went without public incident. Bad news: Catorze bided his time until after the clap to cause discord of a different kind. He took advantage of the fact that Cat Daddy remained outside chatting – and, yes, when I saw Catorze pitter-patter towards the door I did yell at…
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The citizens of the United Kingdom have spent the last couple of days taking in the government’s new pandemic advice. Which is as follows: “Go back to work. NOT ON THE TUBE, FOR GOD’S SAKE.” Meanwhile, Louis Catorze has almost finished his course of steroids. And what a très grand relief this is because, as…
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Louis Catorze was highly displeased by someone or something outside the other day. We were in the middle of a play session when he broke off to leap onto the shutters, his huge, inflated tail swinging and thumping. And he made an exhaling sound so bizarre that, initially, I didn’t even realise it was coming…
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