A few nights ago, Louis Catorze escaped out at The Front. Again.

He isn’t allowed to be there unsupervised, as you know, but, if we are sitting in the front room and can keep an eye on him through the open window, it’s not so bad. He happily sits on the wall outside, watching the world go by, and comes in when he’s ready. (There’s no point in trying to catch him because he won’t be caught.)

And he appears to have stopped his habit of going to That Neighbour’s house, repeatedly activating their security lighting and screaming outside their window, which is a relief to everyone (but especially to their family).

That night, Cat Daddy opened the window and chatted to a family member on Zoom whilst waiting for Catorze to return. When I went in to say goodnight, I asked him whether he was sober enough to remember to close the window before going to bed.

Cat Daddy’s family member, via the Zoom call: “No, he’s not. He’ll forget. If I were you, I’d shut it yourself.”

Me: “Is Louis in or out?”

Cat Daddy: “Who gives a shit?”

I closed the window and went to bed, but I couldn’t get to sleep without knowing that our boy was safe. When I heard Cat Daddy turning off the lights downstairs, I called down to him and asked him to check The Front one more time because I feared that the little sod might be out there.

Cat Daddy: “I don’t think he’s even there. He’s probably at The Back.”

Me: “Please would you check anyway?”

Cat Daddy: “[Indiscernible muttering]”

I heard him unlock the front door and call Catorze’s name. That was the moment I learned that it’s actually possible to say someone’s name in a sarcastic manner. It sounds nonsensical but, trust me, he did it.

I then heard pitter-pattering, and a “Mwahhhh!” before the door closed.

Cat Daddy: “HAPPY NOW?”

Me: “Louis is safe. And I was right and you were wrong. So I’m very happy, thanks for asking.”

[Silence, tumbleweed, crickets]

Anyway, Cat Daddy has since reinvented that story with some savage editing to make me look like the negligent party; according to his version, I shut the window leaving poor Catorze trapped outside and he was the one who rescued him. If I contest it, he says, “Is that not what happened? Go on, deny it.”

Le Roi knows the truth. But he’s not snitching on his papa.