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Je crie, donc je suis

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Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, supreme ruler of Le Château, sworn enemy of canine foe and scourge of Ocado delivery drivers.

Month: Jul 2022

  • Danser dans le noir

    Cat Daddy and I recently had friends over for dinner. Two of our three guests were men so, naturellement, Louis Catorze found this very pleasing indeed and spent the evening pitter-pattering back and forth between our gathering and ICB in the Zone Libre. When our guests were about to leave, I made sure that the…

  • J’adore le ventilateur

    During previous searingly hot summers, I have sat in the living room with a fur-covered animal on my lap, a blanket over my knees (because said animal doesn’t like contact with bare skin), a candle burning (because of said animal’s allergies) and the fan off (because said animal doesn’t like the breeze), all the while…

  • Le maillot arc-en-ciel

    A couple of days ago, I went into the kitchen where Cat Daddy was watching the Tour de France. Louis Catorze had squished himself so hard into his papa’s leg that it was a while before I spotted him. I then noticed that THIS was happening: Me: “What’s going on?” Cat Daddy, without taking his…

  • L’eau est la vie

    We are still suffering the after-effects of the crippling heatwave that peaked last week. At least we HOPE that was the peak, and that it isn’t going to get worse. Most normal cats are flopping languidly around the place and not doing a great deal. Louis Catorze, however, is splitting his time between screaming, intensive…

  • L’âme de la montagne

    During our stay in beautiful Durness, Cat Daddy and I embarked upon a magical voyage into the home – and creative imagination – of artist Lotte Glob. Words alone cannot adequately describe her world and it really has to be seen in person, but you can find out more about it here. We fell in…

  • Le cafard post-vacances

    Cat Daddy and I succeeded in our plan to beat the worst of the searing heat on Tuesday, and we were fortunate to spend much of the day in an air-conditioned car. However, when we arrived back at Le Château, it really was the end of days because the screaming started. Not that it had…

  • Plus chaud que la moyenne

    Whoever said “Truth is stranger than fiction” certainly knew what they were talking about (and had probably met Louis Catorze). So, when Cat Daddy came back from the bar and told me that he’d seen a memorial on the wall paying homage to a previous pub cat, I believed him. I also believed him when…

  • Un tableau noir à la lumière

    Cat Daddy and I have decided, last-minute, to extend our holiday, to avoid the London heat which now looks set to peak at 41°C (FORTY-ONE DEGREES CELSIUS). Sadly we can’t stay in the eco-croft as it’s reserved, but we have booked a place in the north-east, in the same complex where KettleGate took place. It’ll…

  • La queue du monstre

    Cat Daddy and I are on the last part of our holiday, which is a week in a secluded eco-croft in Durness. And, whilst London sizzles in a heatwave that looks set to hit 37°C on Monday, we are luxuriating in the joy that is 23°C and below. It’s absolutely blissful, although I do miss…

  • Le bâillement-miaulement

    Last Friday it was Cat Daddy’s birthday, and his second-best present was the whisky that I bought him from the Abhainn Dearg distillery on the Isle of Lewis. His best present, however, was a restful birthday lie-in unpeppered with feline screaming. There really is no price one can put upon that. One of the many…

  • Le pouvoir du Premier Chat

    Blimey, Westminster. We turn our backs for five minutes, and now this! Despite being on holiday, Cat Daddy and I have been following the plot twists and turns with great interest. This has been better entertainment than all the best episodes of Jeremy Kyle* fused together. *Non-Brits: ask your British friends who didn’t work 9-to-5…

  • L’envahisseur de l’espace (Partie 2)

    Cat Daddy and I are in the Outer Hebrides. Louis Catorze would have loved the ferry from the mainland; firstly, they have priority seating for pet owners and, secondly, it’s right next to the men’s toilets: They are right about the trip hazard, too; Catorze would be weaving in and out of men’s feet, purring…

  • La liberté et le whisky

    We are in Scotland, and what a feeling it is not to wake up at 4am to the sound of screeching parakeets, all the while knowing that our cat is partly responsible for the cacophony. In fact, the only parakeets that we’ve seen have been taxidermied ones in the Kelvingrove Museum. Cat Daddy: “Dead and…

  • Des substances qui améliorent la performance

    Cat Daddy and I are off on holiday today. At a time when petrol prices are astronomical, what better thing to do than, erm, a two-week road trip? Earlier this week we took Louis Catorze to the vet for his steroid injection. To be honest he wasn’t desperately in need, but our other options were…