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Je crie, donc je suis

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Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, supreme ruler of Le Château, sworn enemy of canine foe and scourge of Ocado delivery drivers.

Month: Jul 2020

  • Le couvre-feu (Partie 1)

    Before we open the living room window in the evening, we always go through the following ritual with Catorze: Me: “You know you have to be back by 10pm, don’t you?” Catorze: “Mwah!” Me: “10pm. Is that clear? Meow once for yes, twice for no.” Catorze: “Mwah!” Cat Daddy, without looking up from the television:…

  • J’adore le papier toilette

    Louis Catorze went AWOL the other day and, after a thorough search of Le Château, he was eventually found in a box of toilet rolls in the attic. Cat Daddy: “Was it the box with just a couple of rolls left? Or the one with loads of rolls?” YES, THE NUMBER OF ROLLS IS THE…

  • Mange, crie, aime

    This week I left the front door open by accident after putting out some recycling. Louis Catorze, without so much as a blink, seized the opportunity to escape out at The Front – YES, AGAIN – and, when Cat Daddy went to shut the door, he found the little sod screaming at a random passer-by…

  • La fuite

    Someone had a massive telling-off from his daddy this week, after disappearing out at The Front and being gone all night. To make matters worse, Cat Daddy had planned a big bike ride for the next morning and, of course, a poor night’s sleep stressing about an idiot cat isn’t exactly the best preparation for…

  • Les poils sont de retour

    Yesterday was the sixth anniversary of when Louis Catorze came to live with us. Or, as Cat Daddy puts it, “Six years of him and his stupid shite” (and he may have a point but I don’t imagine they’ll be putting that on the front of greeting cards anytime soon). And, to mark this auspicious…

  • Crier pour un soupir

    Merci à Dieu et à tous ses anges: our cleaning lady is back. And I am more relieved than I ever thought possible because, although I like it when places and things are clean, I hate cleaning. Nevertheless Cat Daddy and I had been getting used to our routine of putting on some cleaning music*…

  • Être abandonné dehors

    A few nights ago, Louis Catorze escaped out at The Front. Again. He isn’t allowed to be there unsupervised, as you know, but, if we are sitting in the front room and can keep an eye on him through the open window, it’s not so bad. He happily sits on the wall outside, watching the…

  • Les visiteurs

    I have started asking Cat Daddy to write down all the drunken topics of conversation that arise during the Zoom calls with his pub mates. This is mainly so that I don’t have to bother listening and trying to keep up. Cat Daddy: “Why do I have to do this? You’re only going to blog…

  • Les amis pour toujours

    A few days ago my friend Laura, whom I hadn’t seen since before lockdown and who also has a French cat, came by for a doorstep chat. Louis Catorze was asleep in his box when she arrived (yes, the one labelled “Cats are not permitted to sit inside this box”) but he came out to…

  • La boîte de délices

    Cat Daddy and I recently started ordering our fruit and vegetables from Oddbox, who rescue surplus produce: https://www.oddbox.co.uk It’s not necessarily local, organic produce, nor can you choose the contents – apart from the weekly specials which you can chuck in as add-ons – but we don’t really care about any of that. We rather…

  • Au clair de la lune

    Cats and full moons, Mesdames et Messieurs: whatever you’ve heard, it’s all true. A few nights ago, during the full moon, Louis Catorze’s behaviour was utterly out of control, with relentless hours of racing around, whining, screaming and so on. As usual, Cat Daddy slept through it and he didn’t believe me when I told…

  • Une créature de la nuit, comme celles dans les BD

    Now that summer is properly here, Louis Catorze is permanently out. And by that I don’t simply mean he is spending more time outdoors than he used to. I mean we never see him, EVER. Sometimes Cat Daddy has even had to cancel Boys’ Club meetings due to low attendance, which is unheard of. Occasionally,…

  • Les rats de ville

    Our pubs are officially open from today. However, Cat Daddy and his boozing buddies have decided that they won’t be heading back to the Cock and Bull* quite yet, and that they will continue their virtual drinking meets for the time being. This is great news for Louis Catorze, who loves the Friday night Zoom…

  • Le velours noir

    Louis Catorze’s ears are now almost completely bald, and they look more like pigs’ ears than ever before. Cat Daddy is convinced that the sunblock somehow “killed the hair follicles” so, even though this is highly unlikely, I stopped applying it just to see what would happen. But I think he has continued to lose…