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Je crie, donc je suis

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Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, supreme ruler of Le Château, sworn enemy of canine foe and scourge of Ocado delivery drivers.

Month: Dec 2016

  • Le nouvel an

    As we say goodbye to a year that has been pretty merdique, and welcome a new year which, surely, cannot be any worse, all of us at Le Château would like to thank you sincerely for your ongoing support of Louis Catorze. When I started Le Blog I never imagined we would reach in excess…

  • Le lion de Némée

    Saint Jésus, save us from the torment that is administering Louis Catorze’s Gabapentin. There is no punishment in hell worse than this. It’s rather like throwing a live grenade into the mouth of an active volcano: you want to get it out of your hands quickly, but you don’t want to mess up your one…

  • Le bonheur est une drogue dure

    Christmas has been and gone, and we have made it to those weird in-between days when nobody quite knows what to do with themselves. December has been a trying month: we have had to cope with stubborn colds, Cat Daddy’s scary Christmas lights set to “epilepsy mode”, and seeing the vet more often than we…

  • Le patient français

    It has been 2 days since the X-ray and Louis Catorze is continuing to obsess with his tail, presumably because the claw puncture wound from the other night has irritated him even further. Watching him interact with it is the most bizarre thing imaginable; he can be unaware of it one moment and, the next,…

  • Le jeu de cônes

    Winter is coming – or, rather, it arrived yesterday – and the solstice is traditionally a period of celebration, joy and hope. Sadly I don’t feel especially celebratory or joyous at the moment, and the only thing I’m hoping for is that, one day, Louis Catorze will stop biting his darned tail. Regretfully, that day…

  • Le vilain petit canard

    I didn’t want to say this until I was sure I wasn’t imagining it, but … Louis Catorze has been doing the bird-chatter noise at his tail. I must admit that, from some angles, the shaved bits make it look like the head of a duckling or a baby emu, but surely nobody is THAT…

  • KramPuss, le diable d’hiver

    One of our much-loved blog followers very kindly sent Louis Catorze a soft collar as a get-well gift. Thank you, Tally! What a thoroughly sweet and and thoughtful gesture, for a spoilt little sod that probably doesn’t deserve it. The collar has been a godsend in terms of allowing him to get comfortable and sleep…

  • Le Cône est de retour

    We have had a stressful few days at Le Château. The mascara worked like a dream when freshly applied but, when it wore off, we were back to square one again. And, when I came home on Wednesday night, the tail-chasing and throaty yowling were worse than ever, at which point I discovered that Louis…

  • Le maquilleur royal

    Houseguest Matt came good with the toxin-free mascara. And it seems that any old plebby mascara simply wouldn’t do for his cher ami: he spent quite some time in the beauty section of the organic shop trying various brands to find one with the perfect consistency. And, when a curious sales assistant passed by to…

  • Le maquillage du Roi

    Following a few more instances of Louis Catorze thundering through Le Château chasing his tail (and knocking Houseguest Matt’s stuff off his bedside table at 3am – ha), I’ve spent most of the weekend Googling coloured dye for pets. I wish I were joking. Most of the results of my fact-finding odyssey have been warnings…

  • Le locataire du Château

    Cat Daddy and I have a guest staying with us at Le Château. Now, for most cats, a big deal such as a new housemate would need to be brokered with expert skill and precision; however, because this is Louis Catorze, and because our guest is male, we had a feeling everything would work out…

  • Peins-la en noir

    Cat Daddy and I have spent a disturbing amount of time monitoring Louis Catorze to try and understand his tail-chasing habit. And, yes, this has been just as dull as it sounds, with the exception of the unsettling moment when he actually HISSED at his own tail. The strange thing is that Catorze doesn’t appear…

  • Tromper, jouer, trahir

    We are still reeling from the vet’s revelation that Louis Catorze has resorted to eating his own body parts because he’s so bored. Cat Daddy, in particular, has taken it quite badly. “I don’t have a problem with being called boring,” he said, “but … too boring for him? FOR HIM? He’s the dullest cat…

  • Nous sommes trop ennuyeux pour notre chat

    It seems I have written a new instruction manual on how to be the worst person on the face of the planet. It goes something like this: 1. If your cat chases his tail, laugh at him. 2. If he keeps doing it, laugh some more. 3. If he does it for several hours through…