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Je crie, donc je suis

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Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, supreme ruler of Le Château, sworn enemy of canine foe and scourge of Ocado delivery drivers.

Month: Feb 2023

  • De bon vouloir servir Le Roi

    Cat Daddy and I have just been for a pared-down weekend away. I say “pared-down” because it was supposed to be in a fancy hotel in Manchester, but I’m too ill to fully appreciate fancy and, worse still, Cat Daddy is now starting to cough, so we went for a shorter stay in a Premier…

  • Partager les tâches ménagères

    We all know how much Louis Catorze enjoys Rodent Duty, but it seems that he has bountifully decided to share the joy with his comrades. Blue the Smoke Bengal – who hasn’t really visited us much since that time Catorze hissed at him in front of the whole street – has decided to join the…

  • L’apothéose de Louis Catorze

    Louis Catorze is pitter-pattering around Le Château looking unspeakably ridiculous, with two baldish arms and a bald spot on his body. His tattoo sleeves still look like this: And, Mesdames et Messieurs, the solar eclipse has evolved into this: We have utterly exhausted every option in terms of figuring out a cause; he’s not been…

  • Je crache sur ta tombe

    I am back at school this week, having spent the whole of half term being ill. And when I say “the whole of half term” I really do mean every bit of it; I started feeling off colour on the evening I came home from school, and I’m still trying to shake the dregs of…

  • L’argenterie royale

    Louis Catorze is continuing to enjoy his mix of wet and dry food. However, he still expects the wet food, which is already in small pieces, to be cut up into EVEN SMALLER pieces for him. If we don’t do it he just leaves the food to go dry and gross, and this makes it…

  • Des reflets d’égoïsme

    There aren’t many things that can drag Louis Catorze’s lazy arse from his igloo, once he’s decided to stay put. However, Reflets de France tuna rillettes is/are (I’m still not sure which is correct; native Frenchies, is it a singular or a plural noun?) one of those precious few things. After ignoring me for much…

  • Les étranges compagnons de lit

    I always go to bed much earlier than Cat Daddy, even during the school holidays. After I have settled down and closed my eyes, we go through this same ritual repeatedly: 1. Louis Catorze lies with/on me for a little while, then leaves. 2. When he arrives back downstairs, he discovers that Cat Daddy has…

  • Un salon chaud et confortable

    It’s half term … and, in typical teacher fashion, I am sick. I’ve been all night with throat pain and, as his new favourite thing appears to be to sleep on top of me, either on my chest or across my stomach like a living belt, Louis Catorze isn’t helping. Yesterday, after clearing his bowl,…

  • Le Roi poilu

    Louis Catorze is now on a combination of Cool Cat Club wet food and dry Orijen. I wasn’t sure when he would be ready for dry food again after his surgery but, since he is well enough to hunt rodents and rip their heads off, he ought to be well enough to crunch a few…

  • Obsession pour homme

    When I am at work, Louis Catorze puts all his efforts into annoying his papa as much as possible. My working day is typically peppered with expletive-ridden complaints from Cat Daddy via WhatsApp, occasionally accompanied by photographic and video evidence. I don’t know what I am expected to do about it, so I usually just…

  • On vit en secret, on existe dans l’ombre

    *WARNING: IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE FILM MEN IN BLACK BUT INTEND TO IN THE FUTURE, DO NOT READ ON.* Louis Catorze’s mysterious bald spot has started to reappear. It no longer looks like an eye, which is good news. However, it now looks like a solar eclipse, which isn’t creepy but it’s still weird.…

  • Le super bol

    Remember the headless mouse that Louis Catorze left for his papa during their lads’ weekend? I have since discovered that Cat Daddy didn’t realise it was headless, despite being the one who disposed of it (?). It was only when I told him to zoom in on the photo he’d sent me at the time,…

  • Étranger en terre étrange

    Mon Dieu: and who might you be, meaty Chat Noir? We recently spotted this large gentleman – easily 6kg, most likely more – making his way across our garden and that of Family Next Door, finally alighting at Blue the Smoke Bengal’s place. Cat Daddy and I have never seen him before, and neither has…