louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
Category: Uncategorized
-
A few nights ago I prepared some fish with a potent herb, spice and salt rub, then I washed my hands and went to cuddle Louis Catorze. With hindsight, I should probably have done those tasks the other way around – maintaining the hand wash in between, naturellement – because my hands clearly still smelled…
-
What the flamin’ flip is all this? More mats, that’s what. They are materialising from nowhere, like crop circles. It’s almost as if simply being touched by a matty hair is enough to mattify a previously-normal hair, a bit like turning into a zombie when another zombie bites you. The largest of the three mats…
-
Me: “So … [our new neighbours next door] have a guest coming for the weekend, and they’d like to know if they can bring her over to meet Louis?” Cat Daddy: “…” Me: “Did you hear what I said?” Him: “…” Me: “…” Him: “Are we some sort of tourist attraction now, or something?” Me:…
-
Oh. Mon. Dieu. I have just found this among our condiments in the kitchen: This is the sachet of catnip that came free with Louis Catorze’s spring-summer bed. And the fact that I found it where I did suggests that a member of our household has been using it in our food. Now, when someone…
-
A couple of days ago, Cat Daddy and I spent the afternoon in separate rooms watching different television programmes; I didn’t want to watch whatever dull sports thing he was watching and he didn’t want to watch gruesome documentaries about serial killers. Naturellement Louis Catorze chose to sit in the kitchen with his papa but,…
-
Louis Catorze had a magnificent birthday weekend and marked it as follows: 1. Stole a hair band from a guest’s bedroom whilst she slept, then rampaged around the house with it during the early hours, eventually dropping it downstairs in the living room. 2. Indulged in some herbal edibles. 3. Had some mystery fun with…
-
So no one told us he was gonna be this wayThis cat’s a joke, and blokes Are all frightened awayIt’s like he’s always stuck in psycho gearAnd he won’t behave today, this week, this month or even this year, but …We’ll be there for himWhen the vet bills pile inWe’ll be there for himGonna bear…
-
Louis Catorze will be twelve years old on Saturday. This means that he will overtake Cat Daddy and become the oldest member of the household (based on cat years and their equivalent to human years). When Catorze first came to live with us, we didn’t think he would live very long because he was such…
-
Merde. We have just experienced MatGate 2.0. And, once again, the TWO mats in question were at the undesirable end of la personne royale: I don’t know whether these were new mats, or leftovers from the previous ones which I thought I’d removed but hadn’t. Either way, I have had to deploy the Dematting Rake…
-
Cat Daddy, Louis Catorze and I recently had one of our legendary vodka and horror movie nights. (We like Swedish vodka. And, when we went to Iceland, thanks to a very generous bartender who gave us a reduced-price sample, we discovered the pure joy that is Icelandic vodka. This is our new favourite and, amazingly,…
-
Some things are so predictable that not only should we see them coming, but we don’t really deserve much sympathy if we don’t. One of those is Louis Catorze doing the ONE THING that we don’t want him to do. And, yet again, he has delivered. The little sod has managed to slalom his royal…
-
We took Louis Catorze for his steroid shot just a couple of days before the full moon. And, on the night of the full moon, I kept the uppermost shutters open because I like the moonlight coming in and I find it quite relaxing. I have now paid the price for my stupidity. Firstly, having…
-
A couple of mornings ago, Louis Catorze and I settled in front of the television for our usual early morning horror extravaganza. I had prepared for being TUC by making sure I had as many important things as possible – tea, the remote control, a book and my phone – within easy reach, so that…
-
Louis Catorze had his steroid shot yesterday. There was the usual Benny Hill-style chase when putting him into his transportation pod and, as I was leaving, Cat Daddy – who was in the middle of a massive DIY session – asked me to pop into the hardware shop on the way back and buy a…
louiscatorze.com 