L’épice effrayante

A few nights ago I prepared some fish with a potent herb, spice and salt rub, then I washed my hands and went to cuddle Louis Catorze.

With hindsight, I should probably have done those tasks the other way around – maintaining the hand wash in between, naturellement – because my hands clearly still smelled of the rub and Catorze was confused by this.

His actions and facial expressions were as follows:

1. “Je voudrais des cuddles!”

2. “Merde, it’s her. I didn’t want her. I wanted mon papa.”

3. [Sniffs hand] “What the absolute merde is this?”

4. [Glares] “Does the rest of her smell like this, too?” [Sniffs whole arm]

5. “What even WAS that?” [Goes back to hand again]

7. [Accepts cuddles in an insincere and resentful fashion, in the same way that I do when small children offer me pretend food from their pretend café and I’m secretly wishing it were real food]

This wasn’t quite as bad as the time I decided to make my own green curry paste, and the bashing of the pestle and mortar outraged him beyond belief. But it still serves him right; after those torturous months of having to water his Orijen, throwing away countless portions which didn’t meet the required standard, it’s about time the tables were turned and that HE was inconvenienced by the preparation of OUR food.

“Have you SMELLED yourself lately, salope? Also: feed moi.”

24 thoughts on “L’épice effrayante

  1. He seems to have retracted his fangs as a show of disrespect to you. Next time use a smellier fish to override the spicey smell, I guess. Tuna is the main serving around here – for the human anyway.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Lucky you.
        It occurred to me only once. It was years ago, but it was so awful that I remember it perfectly. The dentist was a woman who had cleaned some onions before going to work.

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Yet more proof that his Majesty is unique among Cats. I, too, have received many a post cooking cuddle. My Cats are delighted when my hands smell of fish. They will trill their approval and lick my fishy fingers. Sometimes gentle nibbling is involved.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. “The bashing of the pestle and mortar outraged him beyond belief” 🤣🤣🤣 I imagined him howling whilst giving you the Glare Of Death…am I correct?

    Liked by 1 person

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