SAINT JÉSUS ET TOUS SES ANGES: Louis Catorze has just chugged down my matcha latte. And I don’t mean he licked a bit; I mean he had a good, long drink, like a parched desert horse who hadn’t seen water for a week.
I heard the slurping noises but, because it was dark and I was engrossed in a film, I thought he was just having a wash. By the time I realised what was happening, two minutes had passed. He didn’t consume much overall but, for a cat of 3kg, it was probably the equivalent of doing a line of coke.
Having alternated between drinking lots of water and chasing imaginary (at least I hope they’re imaginary) prey, the little sod now seems normal. But I daren’t leave him alone in case he has a seizure and dies of caffeine poisoning.
I also daren’t leave any drink alone, ever again. Whatever next? Strong coffee? Absinthe shots? You’ve already seen what he’s like without those things. Imagine him WITH them?
Actually, no, don’t imagine him with them.
Cat Daddy, without looking up from his phone: “You do realise that cats aren’t meant to have caffeine?” Thanks for that.
Anyway, after a manic morning of screaming, attacking my feet and trying to chew through my phone charger whilst it was still plugged in, Catorze had a good old sleep and was then ready for more. More of what, exactly, we don’t know. More caffeine or more mischief? Yes and yes.
*EDIT: later that evening, the little shit wrestled me with all his might for my cupcake. When I gave him a piece a quarter the size of my little fingernail, to teach him a lesson, he ate the lot. Yes, including the icing. Oh God.
For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
louiscatorze.com 
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