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Je crie, donc je suis

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Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, supreme ruler of Le Château, sworn enemy of canine foe and scourge of Ocado delivery drivers.

Month: Mar 2023

  • La faculté de médicine

    You’re going on a cross-country trip. Airplane, train, bus, car, or bike? Ok, so a vet appointment isn’t, by most people’s reasonable interpretation, a cross-country trip. However, if you have ever had to transport a screaming animal to somewhere it doesn’t want to be transported, you will know that it really feels like one. At…

  • L’ailurophobie

    We recently had a cat-disliking friend visit us. Now, before you ask how I could invite such a person to Le Château, I don’t care whether or not visitors like cats as long as they pretend whilst they’re here. After all, I have to pretend all the time with people’s kids (and I do a…

  • Le regard qui tue

    This is Luther, Louis Catorze’s big brother, who left us in 2014: Luther would have been fourteen years old today. He only celebrated two birthdays during his too-brief time with us, but we always remember the date every year and have his favourite food – prawns – to celebrate. His picture popped up recently on…

  • La place d’un chat est au sommet (Partie 2)

    Louis Catorze is positively ebullient with springtime joy. Usually, when I have my morning tea and he lies on my lap, he sleeps. But, on the morning of the equinox, it was as if a switch had flipped and he knew something was in the air; he was upright and alert as he lay, ears…

  • Et l’Oscar va à …

    What movies or TV series have you watched more than 5 times? I can think of one show in particular that I have seen countless times, although I still haven’t figured out whether it’s a film on repeat, a horror-themed Groundhog Day-style soap opera, or something Trumanesque whose participants don’t know that they’re part of…

  • Malades comme des chiens

    The spring equinox is here, and this year I am especially happy to see this day because the winter has been utter merde. The sore throat which plagued me throughout February and much of March, is now back. Even Cat Daddy, who is never sick, is suffering, and he can’t seem to shake it. Usually,…

  • Faire flotter le drapeau bleu

    Where would you go on a shopping spree? Does it count if the spree wasn’t supposed to be a spree? If so, Louis Catorze would – and did – go to, erm, Kitbag, the sports equipment supplier. We had a Code Bleu situation recently, when Boots – usurper stepbrother of Louis Catorze’s frère-from-another-mère, Antoine –…

  • La Géorgie dans mon esprit

    I recently visited an old school friend for lunch, and he and his wife have a cat. I love meeting fellow cat freaks, not only because we always have plenty to talk about but because there is a chance that their freakishness is greater than mine, making me feel a bit better about how much…

  • Dis mon nom

    What is your middle name? Does it carry any special meaning/significance? Louis Catorze doesn’t have a middle name. To be honest, his full title – Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil – is already long enough. If we were to do as our parents did and call our kid by his full name to…

  • Les chatteries en pensent quoi?

    A few nights ago, I was listening to Sky Sports news. (Well, I say “listening” but I was zoning in and out whilst sending cat photos to my friend on WhatsApp.) One thing, however, did make me sit up and take notice, and that was when the reporter said, whilst discussing French football, “And what…

  • La fatigue des moustaches

    Remember when Louis Catorze was a messy eater? Yeah, well, he still is, only in a different way. He no longer makes a mess with crunched-up pieces of dry food, indicating that his teeth are doing ok, but, when he eats his wet food, he spreads it all over his bowl. And, once he’s done…

  • Croyez-vous au destin?

    The new WordPress Jetpack app gives a new prompt every day, to inspire anyone who might be in the midst of a creative dearth. Obviously I don’t need it because Louis Catorze’s misadventures always give me plenty of content, but the prompts are, nevertheless, food for thought; not only do I think about how I…

  • La crise d’argenterie

    Oh. Mon. Dieu. We have a Code Argent situation here at Le Château: Cat Daddy got drunk the other night and put Louis Catorze’s Louis XIV antique silverware in the dishwasher, and now there is a mark on the fork. I had a feeling that one of us would do this sooner or later. And…

  • Vivre la vie sans excuses, voyager sans regret

    Some people believe that the vernal equinox denotes the true start of spring. Others think spring starts on 1st March, the first day of meteorological spring. We at Le Château, however, know that it’s when Louis Catorze starts requesting to go out at The Front, and he does this by creepy-staring, pawing at the shutters…