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Je crie, donc je suis

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Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, supreme ruler of Le Château, sworn enemy of canine foe and scourge of Ocado delivery drivers.

Month: May 2020

  • Les malheurs et les jumeaux ne viennent jamais seuls

    This little story did the social media rounds last month, and I really hope it’s true: I like to think that the cats met on their travels, with Cat 2 saying, “I would really like a human sucker whom I can treat like dirt”, and that Cat 1 replied, “I have a plan. I think…

  • Éviter les contacts proches

    Coronavirus is now over, and we can all go back to doing whatever we like. Well, nobody has actually said as such but this appears to be what everyone has decided, and Cat Daddy and I are the only ones who are still poking people away with a 2-metre stick. Although, to be honest, I…

  • Vieux chat fait bonne chasse

    One big difference between me and Cat Daddy, in terms of our attitude and preferences regarding pets, is that he likes show-off animals who do lots of zany things, whereas I just want a quiet one who won’t give me any grief. Blue the Smoke Bengal’s mamma told us last week that, since quarantine began,…

  • Le renard est de retour

    Oh. Mon. Dieu. We have a Code Roux situation at Le Château, and here is the evidence: These are NOT Louis Catorze’s paw prints, nor are they even feline, as you can tell by their size (pound coin for scale). Mesdames et Messieurs: Monsieur Renard has been on the premises. We have known for a…

  • Noir et blanc

    It has been an especially sunny week here in TW8 so Louis Catorze is continuing to wear sunblock on his ears, much to Cat Daddy’s amusement. Sadly we have also had to deal with the usual Catorze contrariness, i.e. he dashes out into the sun before we have a chance to apply the block and,…

  • Je me lève et rien ne me démoralise

    Good news: Louis Catorze is now completely off the steroids. Bad news: this has made absolutely zero difference to the level of psycho in his body, which remains unchanged. One of my friends told me that it took a few days for the effects of the steroids to leave the system. Erm, yeah, I don’t…

  • Partager, c’est sympa

    Good news: Thursday’s Clap for our Carers went without public incident. Bad news: Catorze bided his time until after the clap to cause discord of a different kind. He took advantage of the fact that Cat Daddy remained outside chatting – and, yes, when I saw Catorze pitter-patter towards the door I did yell at…

  • La fin du traitement?

    The citizens of the United Kingdom have spent the last couple of days taking in the government’s new pandemic advice. Which is as follows: “Go back to work. NOT ON THE TUBE, FOR GOD’S SAKE.” Meanwhile, Louis Catorze has almost finished his course of steroids. And what a très grand relief this is because, as…

  • Les ennemis tenaces

    Louis Catorze was highly displeased by someone or something outside the other day. We were in the middle of a play session when he broke off to leap onto the shutters, his huge, inflated tail swinging and thumping. And he made an exhaling sound so bizarre that, initially, I didn’t even realise it was coming…

  • La guerre de la planète des renards

    Almost seven weeks into lockdown, and both our dishwasher and our car have packed up, the former no doubt through over-use and the latter through insufficient use. And Cat Daddy appears to be coming down with a severe case of FOSTD: Fear of Starving to Death. Every meal time, he snaps, “Don’t eat all the…

  • La performance de sa vie

    Clap for our Carers: https://clapforourcarers.co.uk What a heartfelt gesture to pay tribute to our key workers, and what a positive way of uniting the neighbourhood. Or so we thought, until Louis Catorze escaped out at The Front during this week’s clap and caused an incident in front of our neighbours. When the clap began, Cat…

  • La vénération du soleil

    Last Friday, the day after Louis Catorze’s birthday, it was Beltane, the Celtic start of summer. And, as most of us rethink our sun protection at this time of year, so does Louis Catorze. I’m not joking. His recent allergy flare-up, and/or possibly friction against Le Cône, has caused him to lose fur from his…

  • La fête de la décennie

    And, in the blink of an eye, Louis Catorze’s birthday weekend was over. But what a party it was. Cat Daddy, in a deadpan voice: “Oh yeah. It was probably the best cat birthday party I have ever been to.” This celebration had everything: there was a birthday barbecue with Oscar the dog’s family –…

  • Les pilules de Catorze

    Thank you so much to everyone who wished Louis Catorze a bon anniversaire and who donated to charitable causes in his honour. He had a great day, bouncing around, screaming and full of energy, although the bad weather meant we had to postpone some of the celebrations for this weekend. That said, he doesn’t know…