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Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, supreme ruler of Le Château, sworn enemy of canine foe and scourge of Ocado delivery drivers.

Il faut qu’on parle de Louis

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Have you read the book – or, if you’re a low-brow pleb like me, seen the film – “We Need To Talk About Kevin”?

The title character is a boy who, throughout his life, is as sweet as a marron glacé to his father but a total monster to his mother, psychologically tormenting her and haunting her nightmares. The book/film culminates in Kevin murdering several of his classmates.

I am still ill. And Louis Catorze still doesn’t give a shit.

HE IS KEVIN.

“I don’t think this is true,” said Cat Daddy, reading this over my shoulder. “Louis can be monstrous with me at times, too.” Ok. That just makes it worse.

We had my cousin and her husband staying with us this weekend and Louis Catorze was all over them, purring, nuzzling and sleeping on their laps. I must admit I was mildly put out, but I thought, “My turn will come later.”

Nope.

When he came to bed with me last night, I thought that perhaps he had finally sprouted a goutte of feeling for his maman malade. But, the minute I sneezed, he meowed in disdain – yes, he actually VOICED his annoyance – and shuffled further down the bed, away from me.

Normally, when guests leave, they joke about me having to check their bags, such is their temptation to take our delightful little cat with them. This time, however, I was hovering awkwardly around my cousin’s Louis Vuitton and wondering how I could shove the little sod IN.

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4 responses to “Il faut qu’on parle de Louis”

  1. barrybdoyle avatar
    barrybdoyle

    As far as you know, Le Roi does not possess opposable thumbs nor can use a bow and arrow with any type of accuracy, n’est-ce pas? Does he have a secret place where he stashes some of his possessions that you could check, just in case?

    So, that aside, he can still do damage and wound your heart. But it may be that he has an advanced degree in teenaged angst psychology that he’s displaying. “NON, cela est impossible!” you say. But we certainly had our fill of our own children proclaiming “I hate you!” just before their bedroom doors slammed. Tory, our daughter was the worst. We took it as their version of a Kabuki dance showing their affection that they couldn’t bring themselves to admit to themselves or us, but secretly were grateful that we had set boundaries. In that sense, Catorze loves you with a passion, he just can’t force himself to demonstrate it. The Cat Daddy connection is a further display of his enforced subliminal devotion to you.

    Oh, and Popper takes my sneezes as a personal insult for some reason. How under her spell I am now to muffle a sneeze into my shoulder or upper arm to stifle it, and then apologize to her. Out loud. She just slowly looks away in disdain.

    J’adore Le Roi.

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    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      I haven’t found any such place as yet, but I have quite sufficient reason to be afraid. He builds ramps, unassisted and unseen!

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      1. barrybdoyle avatar
        barrybdoyle

        I think that’s just Le Roi putting the CD into a zombie state to do his bidding…sort of like an enforced directive sleepwalking. And the CD never remembers putting the post up on the fence for Catorze. You might have noticed the smug expression he shows to CD? What LR is really showing is his happiness he has a subservient minion.

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  2. Monica avatar
    Monica

    Ma pauvre cheri! Je suis desolee pour le Roi’s behaviour towards you, specialement in your circumstances. But perhaps, it is not a matter of Kings and plebs but life or better said… cats! My cat was a big, beautiful, intelligent feline. I loved him very much but he did not like me! It did not matter what I did or said, he practically ignored me; he acknowledged me in a friendly way when he wanted to eat or go out. But he was a cat daddy’s boy, keeping certain distance, of course! He was very friendly with our male neighbours not caring very much for the ladies. I had to learn to live with this reality and accept that I could not have him in my arms for more than one minute or give him a hug for few seconds! As you can see, you are not alone! Do not lose hope, he may still change… Meanwhile you could use a strategy: do not look at him and ignore His Majesty, as a King his pride will be hurt and he may decide to give you the pleasure of his company. I hope you feel better soon. Good luck and Au revoir!!

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