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Because our house is so small, the only area large enough for me to do my morning workout is the kitchen. (Oui, Mesdames et Messieurs: despite Le Château’s grandiose name, it’s only really Château-y if you’re a tiny, 2.7kg cat.)

Unfortunately the kitchen is also Louis Catorze’s prime creepy staring spot. And, because there is no door between the kitchen and the rest of the house, I can’t shut him out, much as I would love to. 

My workouts typically last around forty-five minutes, and Catorze happily sits there throughout the entire thing, statue-still, creepy-staring at me. Occasionally he takes a break to gaze mournfully at his empty bowl, but then he resumes the unsettling eye contact. 

This was the view between my knees whilst doing sit-ups: 

Cat Daddy has lengthy physio stretches to do every morning, and he experiences similar treatment. 

Catorze was never like this when we gave him fish-flavoured wet food. He liked it, but this level of bullying and intimidation (for chicken-flavoured food) is something else entirely. 

We’ve created a monster here, haven’t we? 

For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com