louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
Category: Uncategorized
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One of the good things about having a black cat is that, if they’re raising hell in public, you can always pretend it must be some other cat. I have had to do this around 8,073 times (each) with Louis Catorze and his big brother, Luther, so I’m used to it by now. However, it’s…
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Louis Catorze has a complicated and bizarre water drinking ritual, which is as follows: 1. Approach drinking station and position himself appropriately, usually – although not always – with his back to the wall and facing outwards, to avoid stealth attacks from unknown enemies. 2. Sniff water to ensure that it isn’t poisoned. 3. Look…
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Kurt Zouma has been sentenced to 180 hours of community service and been banned from keeping animals for five years. As he left court, he was greeted by this: No, this isn’t me. (Only because I didn’t think of it.) We don’t yet know what the community service will be, but I hope it will…
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Merde, merde and thrice merde: my alternative bunting didn’t arrive, despite me paying an eye-stingingly expensive delivery charge to have it in time for the weekend. So I guess it will have to wait until the next noteworthy royal event, and luckily it’s the kind of timeless design that will keep. Cat Daddy: “Is it…
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Today marks the Queen’s platinum jubilee and, apparently, there are around sixteen thousand street parties being held around the U.K. this weekend. Neither Cat Daddy nor I are royalists and we find it all rather grotesque and distasteful, so we won’t be joining in any celebrations. Also, since we are already being bled dry to…
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The vet told us that Louis Catorze’s bald patch was growing back, but I am not convinced. The more I stare at it, the more it starts to look like the Eye of Sauron from Lord of the Rings: Many friends have asked whether the little sod is over-grooming it and, although he is fastidiously…
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Louis Catorze’s post-steroid screaming is just beyond a joke. Yesterday morning I had to get up at 5:50 (!) to give Cat Daddy a lift to the starting point of his charity cycling event*. I often struggle to sleep anyway but, when I know I have to get up early the next morning, I never…
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We took Louis Catorze to the vet yesterday afternoon. Naturellement, when we tried to locate him half an hour before the appointment time, we found him right in the centre of some dense, inaccessible shrubbery in the garden, with the chances of a painless extraction being slim-to-zéro. We then resorted to our not-so-secret weapon: sending…
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Three days after our friends’ visit, Louis Catorze’s dandruff miraculously vanished. His fur is now glossy and beautiful, without a single pesky white flake in sight. Although I cannot prove it, I know he has done this on purpose. My friend Lizzi: “I told you he’d do this! But he’s pulled it off even sooner…
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We have had quite the weekend at Le Château, with the following events taking place: 1. End-of-the-football-season festivities (although Louis Catorze doesn’t regard this as a celebratory moment as it means fewer men will be visiting us for the next eleven weeks). 2. The Black Cats won the League One play-off finals and will be…
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Just as I was starting to think Louis Catorze didn’t have QUITE enough things wrong with him, the little sod decided to develop this inexplicable bald patch: For a while I ignored it, thinking perhaps I just hadn’t beaten the oatmeal out of him properly. But he is fastidiously clean, and there is no way…
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Sometimes you have to ask the question, even if you already know the answer. This is one of those times. I snapped up the very last copy of this book from Amazon and, once again, I forgot that the order notifications go through to Cat Daddy’s phone. The conversation that ensued was quite interesting, but…
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It’s a full moon and, once again, Louis Catorze’s energy is through the roof, so much so that Cat Daddy has had to kick him out at The Front a couple of times, just to get some peace. Don’t worry, we always remember to retrieve him again (eventually), usually when his screaming becomes embarrassing. We…
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Louis Catorze’s dandruff has been deteriorating, and I noticed that it looked especially bad just before a friend was due to visit. We couldn’t have him looking scaly and gross in front of visitors so I tried to brush it out, but each brush stroke seemed to just dredge up more crud. I then decided…
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