Category: Uncategorized
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There aren’t many things that can drag Louis Catorze’s lazy arse from his igloo, once he’s decided to stay put. However, Reflets de France tuna rillettes is/are (I’m still not sure which is correct; native Frenchies, is it a singular or a plural noun?) one of those precious few things. After ignoring me for much…
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I always go to bed much earlier than Cat Daddy, even during the school holidays. After I have settled down and closed my eyes, we go through this same ritual repeatedly: 1. Louis Catorze lies with/on me for a little while, then leaves. 2. When he arrives back downstairs, he discovers that Cat Daddy has…
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It’s half term … and, in typical teacher fashion, I am sick. I’ve been all night with throat pain and, as his new favourite thing appears to be to sleep on top of me, either on my chest or across my stomach like a living belt, Louis Catorze isn’t helping. Yesterday, after clearing his bowl,…
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Louis Catorze is now on a combination of Cool Cat Club wet food and dry Orijen. I wasn’t sure when he would be ready for dry food again after his surgery but, since he is well enough to hunt rodents and rip their heads off, he ought to be well enough to crunch a few…
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When I am at work, Louis Catorze puts all his efforts into annoying his papa as much as possible. My working day is typically peppered with expletive-ridden complaints from Cat Daddy via WhatsApp, occasionally accompanied by photographic and video evidence. I don’t know what I am expected to do about it, so I usually just…
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*WARNING: IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE FILM MEN IN BLACK BUT INTEND TO IN THE FUTURE, DO NOT READ ON.* Louis Catorze’s mysterious bald spot has started to reappear. It no longer looks like an eye, which is good news. However, it now looks like a solar eclipse, which isn’t creepy but it’s still weird.…
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Remember the headless mouse that Louis Catorze left for his papa during their lads’ weekend? I have since discovered that Cat Daddy didn’t realise it was headless, despite being the one who disposed of it (?). It was only when I told him to zoom in on the photo he’d sent me at the time,…
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Mon Dieu: and who might you be, meaty Chat Noir? We recently spotted this large gentleman – easily 6kg, most likely more – making his way across our garden and that of Family Next Door, finally alighting at Blue the Smoke Bengal’s place. Cat Daddy and I have never seen him before, and neither has…
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The following is a line from Anne Rice’s Interview With The Vampire: “All I need to find you, Louis, is follow the corpses of rats.” (Yes, I have quoted word for word and, yes, it really does have “Louis” in it. I didn’t just add that for effect.) Well, here at Le Château it’s the…
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Louis Catorze was prescribed liquid Gabapentin for pain relief after his dental surgery. The vet told us that we could either put it in his food (nope) or syringe it directly into his mouth (hahahahahaha … NOPE) whenever he looked as if he might be in pain. Since we haven’t the slightest idea how to…
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Louis Catorze had his dental surgery on Tuesday. He came home that evening sporting some impressive bald patches on his arms, like a prison gang leader with not one but two tattoo sleeves. And, according to Cat Daddy, Catorze lived up to that in the waiting room at check-out time, by making a dog, who…
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Louis Catorze is going to the vet today so, to cheer him up a little, we watched a vampire film called Day Shift at the weekend. As ever, he showed no reaction to the hisses of his bloodsucking counterparts, nor to the pounding rock music accompanying the fight scenes, but he did up and take…
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Serum: magical hair product of the gods, but woe betide you should you spill any. Spilling a small amount is bad enough because this stuff, despite being transparent, is like a thick, oily tar that repels water, detergent and cleaning apparatuses (apparati?). It perma-coats every surface that it touches, and no amount of scrubbing will…
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The last time that Cat Daddy enjoyed a drunken Boys’ Club, he adapted an existing Manchester United football chant to make it about Louis Catorze, and it went as follows: “Hello, hello, we are the Louis boys. Hello, hello, we are the Louis boys. If you are a doggie fan, surrender or you die. We…
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