Merci à Dieu: I was mostly left alone during my face massage video call. Mind you, this was because Cat Daddy attended to Louis Catorze in another room. It’s like living with a toddler: if one person has something important to do, the other has to keep the obnoxious kid occupied elsewhere.
The title of this post means “To eat like a king in the morning”. It doesn’t mean “To eat like a king all bloody day long and then annoy the merde out of the humans if fresh supplies don’t come quickly enough”. Unfortunately nobody seems to have told Catorze this – or, if they did, he didn’t listen.
On the first day of wet food, the little sod gorged himself silly. I don’t believe in overfeeding cats, nor in giving them what they want just for an easy life. But he has never been a greedy cat, nor even one with a big appetite, and he’s far from being fat, so I was happy to let him eat what he wanted, just this once.
By 10am he had scoffed two and a half cans. He had another mid-afternoon, after sleeping off the morning’s feast, then he sat by his plate and creepy-stared for more.
Cat Daddy: “Are you still hungry, Louis?”
Me: “He’s already had three and a half cans. He can’t possibly still be hungry.”
Him, getting up to feed him the last remaining half a can: “Come on then, Louis. Let’s see if we can make today a four-canner. Louis Four-Cans.”
Me: “…”
Him: “Like John “Two Jags” Prescott.”
Me: “…”
Him: “And Gazza’s friend. What was his name?”
Erm, that would be Jimmy “Five Bellies”.
(I am deeply ashamed that we even know who this is. If you don’t, this probably indicates that you are far more intellectual and high-brow than us.)
Anyway, since reintroducing The Cool Cat Club’s wet food, every breakfast time is a cacophonous scream-fest. The little sod chugs down what he’s given, then creepy-stares for more. Whilst it’s tempting to give in indefinitely to avoid the bullying and intimidation, I think three quarters of a can is probably about the right serving size, and we’ll be aiming for that once the novelty wears off.
For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
louiscatorze.com 
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