Louis Catorze’s thyroid test result – the additional £67 one which was conducted a little after the others – is in, and it turns out that he has hyperthyroidism.
Cat Daddy suggested some time ago that the constant screaming might be anxiety, and I said, “Of course it’s not. He has no reason to be anxious.” But anxious screaming is one of the many symptoms of hyperthyroidism, almost all of which are the same as those of feline dementia.
The poor little sod – Catorze, I mean, not Cat Daddy – was trying to tell us that something was wrong, and I didn’t listen. I feel so bad that all the signs which I thought were him just being an annoying, attention-seeking shite, were actually symptoms of something genuine.
(That said, I still stand by my belief that he is, at heart, an annoying, attention-seeking shite.)
So what’s next for Catorze?
Firstly: daily medication. Oh dear God.
We were offered the options of an ear gel, an oral pill and an oral liquid. Pilling Catorze is awful, and syringing liquid into him is even worse. As for the gel, it isn’t allowed to touch human skin, so we’re going to have to wear gloves to apply it. Catorze’s cat-cousin Alfie had the same treatment and he hated it – in fact, his ears would flatline when he heard the snap of the gloves going on, and then he’d be off – so I don’t hold out much hope for Catorze.
Secondly: a food audit to weed out anything that bad for him (because I don’t want him to eat shitty vet-prescribed thyroid food – and, even if I did, he wouldn’t eat it). I’ll post more details another time but, in short, his favourite treats are off the menu.
Life is about to get bleaker for Catorze, and right before his birthday, too. We will just have to give him more cuddles to distract him, and ourselves more vodka to numb it all.
For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
louiscatorze.com 
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