What is your favourite animal?

Not cats. Not anymore. Not after this.

Bastard cat. I’m going to put him in an Uber and send him to someone’s house. I don’t know whose house. I don’t care whose house. It could be yours, so watch out.

I came home on Wednesday night absolutely exhausted from work, and I was about to sit down and eat my dinner when I saw that Louis Catorze’s water was running low. So I put my plate on the coffee table, picked up his water glass and went to the kitchen to refill … and, when I returned, I was met with this absolute horror show:

Saint Jésus.

Now, before you berate me for leaving my food unattended, I have done so around 8,632 times in the past and Catorze has never behaved like this, not once. I used to joke to fellow cat freaks that I would put my dinner on the floor and leave the room, just because I could. However, those glorious days have clearly melted away like frost in the morning sun, and now we are never going to be able to trust the little sod around food again.

This is a life-changing event at Le Château.

“You stopped to take a picture?” Well, what would have been the purpose of whipping away the plate at this point? I certainly wasn’t going to eat the food after this (although Cat Daddy, who is cross with me for “wasting food”, says that he would).

After he’d gorged himself on my dinner – hot-smoked salmon sourced from a fancy place which supplies high-end hotels and restaurants – Catorze was no longer interested in the boring Orijen that I’d just served him. He sniffed it, walked away, then sat on the stairs, looking pleased with himself, thinking about what he’d done and, no doubt, knowing that he’d do it again in an instant:

The devil himself.

My friend, when I told her about the incident: “What’s the moon doing right now?”

The moon:

Holy shit.
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35 responses to “Le roi pêcheur”

  1. Lou Carreras avatar

    Two things: 1.) the union at our house voted unanimously in favor of NOT giving Catorze sanctuary; 2.) He was only trying trying to tell you how much he appreciated your culinary skills.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      No he wasn’t. He was doing this to be a shite.

      Like

  2. mmechapeau avatar
    mmechapeau

    I must protest. According to me, only one experience can’t be enough to prove the moon is the culprit
    Actually, we are used to hosting thieving cats, but so far Timon hasn’t been one of them.
    The day it happens, I will note the moon phase.
    By the way, the first picture made my day. Thank you for it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      It’s not only one experience. Every time the moon is full, he pulls some silly stunt.

      Like

  3. Herman avatar
    Herman

    After reading this great post you can only fall in love with Louis… 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      No. You really can’t.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Kate Crimmins avatar

    Everyone needs a change of diet once in a while. This may have been 5 star for him!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      HOT-SMOKED SALMON. We only buy this twice a year at the most!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Kate Crimmins avatar

        Perhaps you need to increase the amount you buy. Louis has an upper class palate!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. iamthesunking avatar
          iamthesunking

          Stop it! Don’t encourage him! He will probably be even naughtier now that you’ve written this!

          Liked by 1 person

  5. Dr. CaSo avatar

    All I can say is, your cat has excellent taste, you raised him well, you should be proud of yourself 😀 I would have eaten the food afterwards, too, especially if it was so special. I’ll take Louis home if you send him to me (FedEx maybe?) 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      PLEASE have him. He’s on hunger strike at the moment, refusing all food until we deploy the salmon again.

      Like

  6. M - avatar

    Brandon, being the manic foodie that we’ve discovered he is, has transferred this behavior to Ramses – albeit to a lesser degree. We can no longer leave food unattended for even a NANOSECOND. However, since Catorze is exhibiting this weird behavior perhaps it’s something in the air that is affecting our felines. Although, perhaps it was that Full WOLF Moon…..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      He is ridiculously moon-sensitive.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. mcmcneil1 avatar
    mcmcneil1

    Since you own up to the fact that your dinner was an extra-special twice only a year event, he might be able to skate through on the “attractive nuisance ” defense. No, not Catorze – the extra-tempting offering.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      He’s been a complete bastard for the last 48 hours, trying to bully us into giving him more salmon. We are at our wits’ end.

      Like

  8. Penny Cooper avatar
    Penny Cooper

    Oh my word, send him to me PLEASE, for once Merlot would eat his food quickly just to make sure Louis didn’t get it… And I’m afraid I’m with Cat Daddy on this, no way would I give up my dinner unless he had mouses blood dripping from his face!! Anyway if he lived with me there would be no mouse hunting as the only way he could go outside would be wearing a harness hooked onto a lead as I live on the first floor. He would love the countryside though, plenty of field mice and after harvest some field rats too! Merlot would adore him and he definitely would sneak up and snuggle with him in the cold weather! I think I’ve told you before, I used to walk Cheeky on a lead, while my dog Honey used to walk freely by her side! That was for Cheeky’S protection though, as she’s been kicked around she would freak out as soon as she saw male youths or even little children if they were being loud and boisterous, she does like it when Alice lets her in the back garden sometimes thinking that in her doddery old age she can’t jump. Well I say old age, she isn’t that old but because of the harm she was done she walks stooped with a limp, so so sad because she loved going out and bashing the black twin big boys up where we used to live, not fighting, just knocking ten bells out of them I used to hear from indoors when she threw them on their backs because their heads would hit the concrete path but they always came back for more! She exhausted a Staffy pup one hot afternoon as he chased her everywhere and when the pup collapsed on the grass panting for his life, she flopped down beside him panting with her tongue hanging out the side and as soon as the pup was back on its feet off she went again! He had to be taken indoors because they were afraid he couldn’t keep up the pace! We used to do the laser play when Alice moved and they had to keep her inside, but it very quickly showed how damaged she was because when we stopped playing, her little head continued shaking around as if we were still playing with her. Every now and then poor Theo aka Darren might enter Cheeky’s space with a wrong look on his face and she gives him a pasting even now, but the rest of the time when i’m there she comes running shouting ‘nanny, nanny, nanny’ with all her might for cuddles bless her before sinking her teeth into me!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      Honestly, you can have him. He’s a bastard.

      Like

      1. Penny Cooper avatar
        Penny Cooper

        Give me your address and I’ll be there in about 3 hours, ok?? (it’s taken me so long to reply because I’ve been bombarded by junk mail and have finally realised that instead of deleting it, I can unsuscribe! Heaven’s knows how many emails I have missed! And I’ve a view of Le Blog to catch up on…}

        Liked by 1 person

    2. M - avatar

      I love the name “Merlot”.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. sevencatsandcounting avatar

    I daren’t leave any food unattended with my furry band of ruffians. If the cats don’t help themselves, the Woofies most surely would. I feel bad for you, though, that Louis has only now discovered a taste for human food. He’s just full of surprises, isn’t he?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      He’s a little shite.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. M - avatar

        Yes, but he’s YOUR little shite. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  10. […] have had a trying few days here at Le Château. Since The Great Salmon Grab, every time I headed for the kitchen, Louis Catorze would pitter-patter after me and sit […]

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  11. cat9984 avatar

    The salmon never would have stood a chance against my cats. I’ve never been able to leave protein unattended. Louis must have taken the opportunity to let is inner wolf out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      His inner wolf is baying at the moon!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. […] The Great Salmon Grab was ages ago, its effects have been hard-hitting and […]

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  13. […] that the tantalising aroma swirling through the air was something else. He wanted tuna. But, after The Great Salmon Grab and the highly stressful two-day hunger strike that ensued, I had learned my lesson; this time, I […]

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  14. […] The Great Salmon Grab, Cat Daddy and I have been very nervous about buying hot-smoked salmon again. We took some on […]

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  15. […] that, as well as seeing an alternate universe in which she DID catch the train. I look back upon The Great Salmon Grab and long for the life I would have had, had I not left my dinner unattended on that fateful […]

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  16. […] “You left that smoked salmon out. You put out a bowl for him, in his room*. You’ve created a […]

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  17. […] Daddy: “See what you’ve created? All this is because of that salmon that you gave him from your plate*. He’s realised that there are better things out there than the dried shit** we give him […]

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  18. […] they weren’t just thrown away. But, the last time Catorze had Michelin-starred hot-smoked salmon (stolen from my unsupervised dinner), he then went on hunger strike for two days when we didn’t give him more. I really, really […]

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  19. […] almost a year since The Great Salmon Grab, and I’m still being screamed at every time I prepare […]

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  20. […] doesn’t usually eat any of the food (apart from that one fateful time which had huge repercussions for months afterwards); he just licks it and walks away. However, this makes it more annoying because then the food is […]

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