The first thing that I did upon finding out that Louis Catorze had chipped one of his fangs, was spend ages looking through photos to try to ascertain when it could have happened. However, his fangs can look absolutely massive, utterly invisible and everything in between, depending on the light and the angle, so it’s been impossible to tell.
It could have happened as far back as April, when one particular photo showed the offending fang looking suspiciously square. It may even have been before then. But I just don’t know. And I can’t help feeling that I’ve let him down, somehow, by not knowing this, especially as I used to pride myself on knowing the Catorzian visage better than I know my own name.
The second thing I did upon finding out that Louis Catorze had chipped one of his fangs was research one-fanged vampires. (I know. I really ought to get out more.)
According to the hotbed of intellectual discussion that is, erm, Quora, there is a monofanged elfin cryptozoological beast called an Alp. And, worryingly, it shares many qualities with Catorze. Here are just a few of them:
1. Is typically male : OUI
2. Attacks during the night and causes nightmares: OUI (in fact, the German word for “nightmare” – “Alptraum” – originates from this)
3. Sits on people’s chests whilst their sleep, crushing the breath out of their bodies: OUI
4. Has shapeshifting abilities and can transform into a cat : OUI (although the jury is still out regarding whether Catorze is actually a cat)
5. Can turn invisible: OUI
6. Has a tendency for mischief: OUAAAAIS
I have learned, by now, to be shocked but not surprised.
Meanwhile, with the help of Cat Daddy, I have managed to take a photo of the fang snappage. It’s not the best picture because the stupid arse wouldn’t keep still (Catorze, I mean, not Cat Daddy), but you can just about make out that one fang is pointy and the other is squared off:
Luckily it’s not affecting Catorze in the slightest. But, by the time April comes around, when he’s back to his usual springtime habit of ripping rodents to shreds, will he do something silly to make it worse?
louiscatorze.com 
Leave a reply to M – Cancel reply