Le sac à tricot

Merde, merde and thrice merde: Zooplus have sent me the standard post-Brexit “Due to high volume of orders …” let-down email. So Louis Catorze may receive his Thrive in the next few days, or he may not. This is not good.

Meanwhile, Catorze is a rampant screaming machine, and he’s eating faster than I can sift. Thank goodness the second dose of appetite-enhancing medication is optional; if this is his behaviour on just one pill, there’s not a chance in hell he’s getting the other.

After a mammoth mega-sift at the weekend, I have managed to figure out that we have enough of Catorze’s food to last until Wednesday. So, if the Thrive doesn’t come before then, we will be trapped with a starving psycho hell-beast who would think nothing of tripping us down the stairs, then eating us alive, feet first.

So we had to devise an alternative plan … and, much as it hurts me to admit this, we were forced to hunt down the last remaining packs of the obsolete Lily’s Kitchen Marvellously Mature and buy them from an off-grid, Dark Web vendor. We know it was wrong, we were drunk when we did it, and we felt dirty afterwards. But the thought of him not liking the Thrive and us not having a back-up – or, worse, THE THRIVE NOT COMING AT ALL AND US RUNNING OUT OF FOOD ENTIRELY AND HAVING TO GRECO HIM WITH BRANSTON PICKLE – was just too much.

In other news, to cheer myself up from all the cat food chaos, I decided to treat myself to a knitting bag, because my knitting stuff was strewn all over the dining room table and Cat Daddy was starting to complain about it.

Cat Daddy: “What kind of bag did you end up choosing? What does it look like?”

Me: “It’s blue, with skulls on it.”

Him: “Skulls?” [Snorts with laughter]

Me: “What’s wrong with that?”

Him: “Well, it’s just that … knitting is the least goth activity ever.”

Me: “Well, would you rather I’d got one with flower pots on it? Or cartoon bumble bees? Or kittens playing with balls of wool?” [I wasn’t making these up; I had seen all of the above during my quest for something cooler.]

Him: “Evil kittens maybe. Black ones. With fangs.”

Well, this is the closest I was able to get to a knitting bag with a black, fanged devil-kitty on it. And, naturellement, our mutual friend is doing what he does best i.e. exactly the opposite of what we want:

So much is wrong with this photo.

26 thoughts on “Le sac à tricot

  1. Can you not find an appropriate food locally? We have a similar problem when we moved to a small town. There are no good places to get cat food or human food. There is a market but they have only low quality food.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m a general believer that most cat food is probably ok if you have a normal cat … but because our mutual friend has so many issues, I just don’t want him to fall ill and then to have that nagging doubt that maybe could be the food …

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Do you think something like Stella and Chewy’s would be similar? Our cats love that as treats but I know it is meant to be mixed with water. What I don’t know is if it available by you.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. I don’t know Stella and Chewy but I’ll check it out! If it’s anything that resembles wet food i.e. actual meat then I’m pretty sure Catorze wouldn’t eat it … 😱😱😱 I know, he’s a massive pain.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. It sounds a bit like the Thrive snacky treats which I’ve tried on Catorze and it was a NOPE. (I even ate one myself and thought it was quite nice!) The Thrive which I ordered on NYE and which didn’t arrive is – I hope – more along the lines of dried cat food than posh freeze-dried, otherwise we know he won’t eat that either! 😫

              Liked by 1 person

    1. Unfortunately not. Pets at Home is the best place to shop and we went there, but much of the stuff they claim to stock in their online store wasn’t in our local branch. They had a couple of grain-free brands but all with quite a low meat content. And since I only want to do this horrible job once and once only, I want to get it right. 🤣🤣🤣

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I think the bag is brilliant, and what’s not goth about a craft that gives you the option of not one, but two ways to murder someone (stabbing and strangling)? 😉 Besides, I’m sure I read something about wartime spies encoding messages into their knitting.

    Liked by 1 person

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