louiscatorze.com

Je crie, donc je suis

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Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, supreme ruler of Le Château, sworn enemy of canine foe and scourge of Ocado delivery drivers.

Month: Sep 2020

  • Le Roi me casse les oreilles

    Cat Daddy and I have just come back from a weekend on the south coast, leaving Louis Catorze in the hands of Oscar the dog’s family. Whenever they take over Roi duties, we always return to find him glossier and more healthy-looking than he was when we left him, so clearly life under their care…

  • Il y a des chiens qui ont vraiment de la chance

    Borrow My Doggy, if you aren’t familiar with it, is exactly as it sounds: people who don’t have dogs walk the dogs of people who have them but aren’t able to do it. A couple of our family members, who like dogs but don’t have their own at the moment, use the service to walk…

  • Le fief du Roi

    Cat Daddy just called the patio “the catio” by accident. He claims that he yawned in the middle of saying the word, which caused it to come out the way it did. Whatever. The thing is, I don’t think he knows what a catio is or is even aware that it’s an actual thing. (For…

  • Les araignées de la nuit

    *WARNING: CONTAINS POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING SPIDER REFERENCES AND A (PRETTY RUBBISH) DRAWING OF ONE* The autumn equinox is here, and this time of year always fills me with deep, deep joy. The one thing I don’t like about it, however, is the fact that it’s spider season. I know, I know, they help us out by…

  • Le banquet du pêcheur

    Lily’s Kitchen have renamed Fabulous Fish as Fisherman’s Feast. I know. I’ll just pause for a minute or two to let that bombshell sink in. This is such a big deal that even Cat Daddy has an opinion on it. Cat Daddy: “I like Fabulous Fish much better than Fisherman’s Feast.” Me: “So do I.”…

  • La complainte du jeune marin

    Football is a big part of my life. So are cats. Sometimes it’s hard to know where one ends and another begins, and it seems that my brain can’t deal with loving both as much as I do. Me: “There’s a League 2 footballer called Louis, and the commentators on EFL have just called him…

  • L’estomac sensible du Roi

    *WARNING: CONTAINS REFERENCES TO CAT PUKE* I came downstairs on Monday morning to the far-more-familiar-than-I’d-like sound of indignant screaming at The Front. Sure enough, Cat Daddy had dropped the ball again whilst on late-night Louis Catorze duty and the little sod had been shut out all night. I let him in, hoping that the screaming…

  • Me, myself and HIM: guest blogger Cat Daddy on his woeful life

    When I retired, I fully realised that I’d be at home on my own for a lot of my time as Cat Mummy (AKA Cat Freak Wife or simply CFW) plans to carry on working for some years to come. To be honest, that didn’t worry me at all. In fact I was quite looking…

  • La panthère noire vit

    At the end of last month, Cat Daddy, Cocoa the babysit cat’s daddy and I went on a farewell tour of Griffin Park. Brentford FC’s last season at its iconic stadium should, of course, have ended in celebration, with Brentford winning the play-offs and a huge party, and, sadly, it wasn’t to be. But a…

  • Journal d’une chatière (Partie 4)

    The vet confirmed on Monday that Louis Catorze’s chip remains correctly positioned and has not migrated into some strange part of his body. So the problem is definitely either in the Sureflap, in his brain or both. The Sureflap has been in manual mode for a couple of weeks now. And, merci à Dieu, we…

  • Le vétérinaire, c’est le bon dieu

    I have been back at school for just over a week. My hands are drier than desert sand due to all the washing. None of my school shoes fit, having being abandoned since March, and I’m forced to wear them in again as if they were new shoes. The school roof leaked during lockdown, which…

  • Le canapé royal

    Cat Daddy has decided that he wants to replace our kitchen sofa with a new leather one. The existing fabric one is perfectly fine, but he is adamant. The only real flaw I can find is that dust mites are more common in fabric than in leather, making the current sofa less Louis Catorze-compliant. So,…

  • Chat, interrompeur

    There seemed to be a lot of missing cat posters around TW8 and its surrounding areas during lockdown. I don’t know whether more cats than usual went missing, or whether my inordinate amount of lockdown walks simply made the posters more noticeable, but I stopped to read every single one. A long time ago someone…