Me, myself and HIM: guest blogger Cat Daddy on his woeful life

~ iamthesunking

When I retired, I fully realised that I’d be at home on my own for a lot of my time as Cat Mummy (AKA Cat Freak Wife or simply CFW) plans to carry on working for some years to come. To be honest, that didn’t worry me at all. In fact I was quite looking forward to “time on my own” with the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want, without interruption. Bliss.

I’d clearly forgotten one thing: HIM. Le Roi, as we all know him.

For some inexplicable reason and despite my consistent approach of complete indifference towards HIM, I appear to have become the human in the house that HE is most attached to. Lovely as that might sound to some, it’s certainly not what I had contemplated when considering my future time at home.

There are too many annoyances to mention in one blog, so let me try to take you through a very “average” day spent in retirement. With HIM.

CFW leaves for work. I sleep in. I’m awoken by HIS screaming at the bedroom door to come in. Some cats have a meow that soothes. HE doesn’t. HIS meow is caustic, sounding like an elderly Verruca Salt not getting her way. “Meoaaawww.” And so begins the day. I usually give in and let HIM into the bedroom. We cuddle until I get bored. Not long.

Breakfast used to be an ordeal as HE would meoaaw around me and try to barge into my hand for more cuddles whilst I’m trying to drink my tea. So I have developed a new routine: I make a point of putting out our recycling at The Front. HE follows me. I shut the front door once he’s out and settle down for a relaxed breakfast alone and get on with stuff retired people do.

Surprisingly, this trick works every day. I think HE forgets. When HIS screaming at The Front eventually becomes a threat to our good neighbourly relations, I let HIM in. We cuddle.

I’ve learned that I must get out in the mornings to do stuff that retired people do. HE sees me preparing to go out, looks me in the eyes and lets out a very pitiful meoaaw.

Undeterred, I escape. Freedom.

By the time I return HE is usually doing what cats do best: sleeping somewhere in the house. I tiptoe around so as not to wake HIM, doing retired people’s stuff and, weather permitting, escape to our backyard.

Shortly before retiring I asked one of our neighbours, who is a carpenter, to build some seating at the back of our yard. He named it my “retirement bench” and it has become just so: a lovely tranquil place to sit and read. Until HE appears out of nowhere with an excited meoaaw. We cuddle.

Alternatively, if the weather is rubbish, I’ll listen to music indoors which obviously alerts HIM to my presence so HE joins me for a boys’ music club. Thankfully, the music tends to drown out his meoaaw. We cuddle.

My solo time with HIM ends when CFW returns from work, usually much to HIS disgust. HE sulks a bit, maybe disappears off somewhere but eventually returns.

“Meoaaw!” Group cuddle.

Pre-trickery breakfast.
Cuddles.
Retirement bench interruption.
“Don’t leave me!”

36 thoughts on “Me, myself and HIM: guest blogger Cat Daddy on his woeful life”

  1. Happy to read the CD weigh in on the travails. As a published author I was not surprised that the narrative was so well constructed from beginning to end.

    (I feel a bit guilty, just a bit, that our own feline homeowner rarely says a word.)

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    1. Wonderful to see you back! Le Blog has missed your presence (and someone else has stolen your crown as Top Commenter!). 👑

      Cat Daddy has done a good job, hasn’t he? Maybe he should contribute more often?

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  2. You’re lucky. My cat Clancy would attack me if I ignored him. Catorze cuddles Clancy wanted O negative blood. Clancy purred so loud that it would wake me up. I used to get Clancy drunk on catnip. Have you tried that?

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    1. Catorze does like a bit of nip and was a user during his time at the rescue (for medicinal purposes). Hadn’t thought of it as a chill-out tool! He doesn’t attack but the screaming is more like psychological torture: no evidence so nobody believes how awful it is. 😱

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    1. Ha! I would love to read his account of retirement life with cats! Would he consider being a guest blogger too? 😃

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  11. Brilliant debut by Cat Daddy 😺 However, with all due respect, methinks thou doth protest too much…?🤔 After all, Boys’ Club is Catorze siren call, non?

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  15. Oh, dear! It seems that you shall have to go back to basic “human” or some call it staff or slave training. You seem to be operating under the delusion that you and not Le Roi are in charge… Back to school for you.

    Perhaps we shall hear from you again. I always enjoy a different perspective and today could use some cheering up as the weather is cooling quickly now.

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    1. Weather cooling here too, although I love it as I’m a massive autumn fan. Le Roi appears not to have noticed and thinks it’s still summer. He is constantly outdoors on Important Cat Business.

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      1. I was born on the edge of the Mojave desert in Southern California. For me, anything below eighty degrees Farhenheit is cold. For nearly 13 years, the Mediterranean has been my home. The two divas here are never outdoors. It is a small village but we live on the main road… besides there are foxes and sanglier who get nearer the village as it gets cooler.

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