louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
Author: iamthesunking
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Houseguest Matt came good with the toxin-free mascara. And it seems that any old plebby mascara simply wouldn’t do for his cher ami: he spent quite some time in the beauty section of the organic shop trying various brands to find one with the perfect consistency. And, when a curious sales assistant passed by to…
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Following a few more instances of Louis Catorze thundering through Le Château chasing his tail (and knocking Houseguest Matt’s stuff off his bedside table at 3am – ha), I’ve spent most of the weekend Googling coloured dye for pets. I wish I were joking. Most of the results of my fact-finding odyssey have been warnings…
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Cat Daddy and I have a guest staying with us at Le Château. Now, for most cats, a big deal such as a new housemate would need to be brokered with expert skill and precision; however, because this is Louis Catorze, and because our guest is male, we had a feeling everything would work out…
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Cat Daddy and I have spent a disturbing amount of time monitoring Louis Catorze to try and understand his tail-chasing habit. And, yes, this has been just as dull as it sounds, with the exception of the unsettling moment when he actually HISSED at his own tail. The strange thing is that Catorze doesn’t appear…
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We are still reeling from the vet’s revelation that Louis Catorze has resorted to eating his own body parts because he’s so bored. Cat Daddy, in particular, has taken it quite badly. “I don’t have a problem with being called boring,” he said, “but … too boring for him? FOR HIM? He’s the dullest cat…
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It seems I have written a new instruction manual on how to be the worst person on the face of the planet. It goes something like this: 1. If your cat chases his tail, laugh at him. 2. If he keeps doing it, laugh some more. 3. If he does it for several hours through…
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Louis Catorze has decided that one nemesis isn’t enough and so, now, he has a second. In addition to his well-documented war on Oscar the dog next door, relations with Kiki the bichon frisé* have somehow gone from non-existent to merde totale. Kiki lives several doors down the street from us and Louis Catorze wouldn’t…
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Another day, another darned mouse, this time delivered to our bedroom, undead and twitching. But, fortunately for me, by the time I had gone to fetch a plastic bag and come back again, Le Bon Dieu had had the grace to take its poor soul to mouse heaven. Because we had to dash straight out…
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Someone appears to have stolen Louis Catorze – quite why anyone would do this is beyond me – and replaced him with a similar-looking changeling cat who actually likes food. For the first time EVER, this morning he pulled the Second Breakfast trick on Cat Daddy, who fell for it completely. When I got home…
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Please, someone, save us from this psycho nutjob. (No, not the new President Elect, but Le Roi.) For the past few days he has been screaming, racing around the house, attacking us as we sleep and generally driving us round the bend. I can only assume this is due to the approaching full moon, because…
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On this historic day, Louis Catorze is thinking of his American subjects. (Don’t ask me how but, yes, it is possible to be a U.S. citizen and also the subject of a French feline king.) However, having studied the credentials of the two presidential candidates, he cannot help but find them lacking in certain areas,…
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I am delighted to report that Louis Catorze only escaped once on Halloween night, and that we all survived (apart from the large mouse that he brought in and terrorised the next day). But, although it’s all over for another year, the scares continue in the form of his creepy kitty sixth sense, disproving our…
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As Halloween approaches, cat freaks the world over debate that all-important question: should we keep our usually-outdoor cats under house arrest on the night of the 31st? My responses are as follows: do you trust your neighbourhood and its residents? And do you trust your cat? We are lucky enough to be able to give…
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