louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
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about
Month: Jun 2024
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We have had to abandon Louis Catorze’s fancy Versailles drinking glasses and replace them with his old Bodum tumbler. And you are not going to believe this: the little sod is still spilling water. I came downstairs this morning to the tumbler standing amid a LAKE of water. He didn’t spill water from the tumbler…
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When the air is hotter than the surface of the sun, and you’re a black animal covered in fur, what better than to have humans skivvy around trying to find ways of keeping you cool? And, if they happen to work up a sweat doing so, tant pis pour eux. Louis Catorze used to like…
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It is 28°C right now. To British people, this is hotter than a thousand suns. And, naturellement, now is the time that my fur-covered pet, who ordinarily couldn’t give a shite whether I live or die, wants to cuddle me. At the beginning of the day, I thought Louis Catorze was dying. There was no…
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How was Louis Catorze’s summer solstice? Well, I wouldn’t know. I barely saw him because he was constantly out, with his activities varying from sunbathing to fox-goading to Rodent Duty. Oh yes, Rodent Duty. ‘Tis the season. Look at his silly little ears stood to attention: In other news: another day, another Zoom call ruined.…
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How do you waste the most time every day? Probably by reading and writing about cats, although I don’t consider it a waste. I consider it time well spent, especially when I read about cats who are bigger shites than mine. (Unbelievably, there are some out there.) I don’t know what is happening to the…
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It’s the summer solstice. Usually Cat Daddy and I would be doing something fun as it’s also our wedding anniversary, but I still have the last few dregs of Covid. So we will probably spend the day cooking separate meals and sitting in separate rooms instead. Meanwhile, Louis Catorze is out. As soon as Cat…
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How do you want to retire? Louis Catorze is, apparently, seventy-two in cat years, so he is well into retirement. However, nobody seems to have told him this. Or, if they have, he hasn’t listened. To outsiders, he still looks like a playful little kitten, doing all the other things that he did whilst younger:…
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Who do you spend the most time with? Merde, merde and thrice merde: I have Covid. In some ways I’m glad there is, at least, an explanation for why I feel so shite, and conducting the test in front of Cat Daddy soon put a lid on all his “Are you sure it’s not hay…
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Today is Fathers’ Day in the UK, and I have bought Cat Daddy this delightful gift: No doubt he will be absolutely furious, not just at the waste of money on “unsolicited cat tat”, as he puts it, but at the fact that I accidentally made his hair much greyer than it really is. This…
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What notable things happened today? Just the usual screaming. You know how it is. Furthermore, Louis Catorze’s screaming is getting worse. None of us ever thought this possible, but it’s happening. When I told Cat Daddy about the incident with the beautician, asking, “What on earth could have been wrong with him that day?”, Cat…
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A couple of nights ago, Cat Daddy and I settled down on the sofa to watch the latest series of Unforgotten on Netflix. Usually, when we watch television in the evenings, Louis Catorze is on his papa’s lap. But, this time, we didn’t know where he was. Cat Daddy, a few minutes into the first…
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The only thing more embarrassing than having a black cat with bright white ears, is other people knowing that you have a black cat with bright white ears. So, naturellement, the last time that I applied Louis Catorze’s ear sunblock, he escaped out at The Front when I put some recycling out. I didn’t even…
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A couple of nights ago, Cat Daddy and I sat down to watch the live election debate between our current Prime Minister and the Leader of the Opposition. Louis Catorze joined us, taking his usual place on his papa’s lap. Fifteen minutes in and I’d had enough; all they did was shout over each other…
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Describe your dream chocolate bar Cats and chocolate don’t really go together, so Louis Catorze doesn’t have a dream one. However, if he WERE a chocolate bar, he would be one of those 99% ones: dark, bitter and only manageable in very small doses. For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
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