It’s official: Cat Daddy has banned the Spring Zing from Le Château. I’m not sure how to keep it out, but I imagine we’ll be covering the windows in tin foil and nailing the doors shut. It’ll be like The Mist meets The Purge, only much less fun because we’ll be sealing the antagonist inside the house with us.
Louis Catorze has lost the plot. On Friday morning he jumped onto Cat Daddy’s record deck and knocked one of our favourite ornaments onto the floor. It didn’t break (although it was already chipped from a previous fall – can you guess how that happened?), but now it’s rolled under the sofa and I can’t reach it.
Immediately after dropping the ornament, he did this:
That evening, the shenanigans continued. Catorze jumped onto the side table by the window in the living room, to inform us that he wanted to go out at The Front. He has done this 8,642 times without mishap but, on this occasion, his fat arse knocked Cat Daddy’s favourite mug* off the table, sending tea and broken china in all directions. Unrepeatable Expletives of the Worst Kind were yelled at Catorze (including that really bad one), and I mean YELLED. If you live down our street, you probably heard this. Sorry.
*I Googled it, to buy him another one, and it costs £24. Yes, for one mug. Gaah.
Me, to Catorze: “Aww. Your daddy didn’t mean to call you that name.”
Cat Daddy: “…”
Me, to Cat Daddy: “You didn’t, did you?”
Cat Daddy: “What do you mean? Of course I ****ing did.”
It’s also been kicking off at Maison Blue, although this is Cat Daddy’s doing, not Blue’s. Cat Daddy locked Blue’s keys in the house during one feed, so we couldn’t get in to do the next one. We had to resort to shoving handfuls of Orijen through the letterbox – again – until Blue’s human sister rescued the key and handed it back to us. And, although I have previously icked at the thought of cats drinking water from gross places, this time I’m actually glad because at least his mamma’s bird bath water kept him going.
All this, and it’s not even a full moon yet?
I also checked to see whether Mercury Retrograde was imminent, and it is. Very. Will Le Château even still be standing by then?
louiscatorze.com 
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