Que Dieu vous garde en joie, Messieurs

Merde, merde and thrice merde: I have the flu. And I don’t mean a bad cold which I’m calling “the flu” just to feel sorry for myself. I mean proper, checked-the-symptoms, can’t-sit-upright flu. I even had to cancel a pre-booked and much-needed physio appointment, although I sounded so pathetic on the phone that they took pity on me and only charged me half the cancellation fee.

Mum, if you’re reading this, no, I hadn’t got around to organising my flu vaccine. And, yes, I have learned my lesson.

Just to make things extra merdique, my flu started on the day of the winter solstice. So my party plans fell by the wayside somewhat and, instead, I spent the day TUC in the living room and drinking tea.

Louis Catorze has not left my side since I fell ill. However, he has somehow learned to emotionally blackmail me into giving him play upon demand, and he is making the most of my illness to wear me down and get what he wants.

I only found this out through a process of elimination, when I offered all the other things in response to his creepy stare – food, water, a different room, The Front, the moon on a stick, whatever – and the little sod didn’t budge, remaining statue-still and glassy-eyed throughout. I then reached for his manly pink butterfly on a string, not quite knowing what else to do, and he lost his shit, leaping a good metre in the air, baring his fangs and snarling at the toy.

Wait for it …
“Rawrrr!”
“RAWRRR!”

We play like this for about twenty minutes every day and, at the end of each session, I am more worn out than he is. And he knows full well that I will always give in, not only because the creepy staring makes me feel so uncomfortable, but also because – and this is where the blackmail part comes in – if I ignore him, he starts to play with his tail.

If you weren’t a follower of Le Blog six years ago and you have time on your hands, have a look through the archives from around November 2016 onwards, to find out why this is such bad news. Be warned, it’s not pretty reading. We want to draw attention away from Catorze’s tail at all costs.

It looks as if Catorze will have a very merry Yuletide season indeed. However, I don’t suppose we will have a single silent night.

“Papa! Play with moi.”

23 thoughts on “Que Dieu vous garde en joie, Messieurs

  1. Oh no how flipping horrible for you! (the flu I mean, we all know you’re delighted to be at the top of Louis’ schedule!!) Hope the worst of it goes away soon, the flu thing is taking over so many people’s Christmas plans. They say that children are catching it because they’ve had so much lockdown and distancing at this time of year they’ve not been exposed to it so they have no defence built up. Have as merry a Christmas as you possibly can and then go mad for New Year xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Merci! My mum will be straight onto the fact that I should’ve organised it earlier, and it’s true, but since you feel a bit shit after having the vaccine, I was waiting for the school holidays when I had some down time. Oh well! Joyeuse Fête to you!

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  2. I hate to say it to you in your illness, but Catorze and his pink butterfly toy is a cute-in-a-normal-cat way adorable. Sorry. Hope you feel better soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! It’s pretty hellish at the moment and I just can’t do anything other than sit around and write Le Blog!

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  3. The cuteness ❤
    I can’t have a cat at present and I long for one (non cat people don’t understand), so I get my kitty fix through Louis.
    Get well soon.
    Merry Christmas 🎄

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  4. Get well soon. I know from personal experience how shit the real flu is.

    One plus side is that le roi is acting like a normal cat for once. Of course the down side is that his weirdness will reassert itself far too soon.

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    1. Oh God, it’s like nothing on earth. Worse than Covid. Is it normal for cats to demand constant play when they ought to be sensing that you just want to lie still?

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      1. Yes. It is normal for cats to demand play when you really just want to curl up under a duvet.

        I’m just glad that I was catfree when I had flu. I could barely make it from the bed to the loo. Thank gods I had no appetite (or cats) as I’d never have made it down the stairs (successfully).

        The dose of COVID I had in 2020 was mild in comparison, even though COVID was more deadly. With the flu I only wished I was dying.

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        1. Yup, that’s pretty much how I feel. It’s absolutely awful. I’m really not feeling the joys of the season at all. 😥😥😥

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  5. Wishing you all the best and please, get well soon! Thank goodness Louis is taking good care of you! You’re so lucky to have such a good furry friend… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Merci! He’s an attentive but also demanding nursemaid. I thought the idea of nursemaiding was to put others before yourself but … 🤷‍♀️

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  6. I am not feeling so good either, since yesterday, and I have had a headache for the last 36 hours. Could you please send Louis? I need to stop thinking about work and all the other things I worry about and he seems like the perfect distraction 🙂 I hope you feel better very soon!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh no, not you as well! I really hope it’s not the flu. I’d even go as far as to say I hope it’s Covid rather than flu. That’s how bad flu is! 🤒 Get well soon!

      And … you want him? Seriously? 😱😱😱😱😱😱

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    1. Merci! It’s not really helping to be trapped in a house with a manic cat who is racing around knocking things over. 😬

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  7. Praying for a quick recovery; flu is a knockout pain in the arse. Your furry royal makes an adorably cute nurse! Now if he would only be bothered to bring you chicken soup…😺

    Liked by 1 person

    1. He’s been demanding play since 6am which is, erm, almost the same thing … oh wait … no, it’s not. 😒

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