Louis Catorze’s post-steroid screaming is just beyond a joke.
Yesterday morning I had to get up at 5:50 (!) to give Cat Daddy a lift to the starting point of his charity cycling event*. I often struggle to sleep anyway but, when I know I have to get up early the next morning, I never sleep well because I worry about missing my alarm. However, it seems that I needn’t have worried because Catorze was at hand to make sure I woke up. Having someone – even if that someone is 3.27kg – stand on your chest and howl like a baying wolf is an unsurprisingly effective alarm. Especially when it happens AN HOUR BEFORE YOUR INTENDED WAKE-UP TIME.
Yes, he did this at 4:50am. Bastard, bastard cat.
In other black cat-related news, Ian Fenn is suing Sainsbury’s supermarket for not allowing his therapy cat, Chloe, to accompany him into the store. Ian, from London, has autism, and having Chloe with him helps him to deal with the sensory overload that comes with shopping trips.
Photo from telegraph.co.uk.
Catorze has mixed feelings about this.
Naturellement he is outraged that anyone would ban one of his comrades from anywhere, especially since Sainsbury’s does permit assistance dogs. However, the idea of any cat, especially a Chat Noir, having to WORK for a living is simply preposterous to him.
The spokespeople from Sainsbury’s argue that cats present more of a food hygiene issue than dogs. Now, although I would rather not have any animal pitter-pattering over my Pont l’Évêque in the cheese aisle, if I had to choose I would opt for a cat over a dog. Even the cruddiest cat in the world would have smaller paws and less slobber than any dog and would therefore be less contaminating, non? The supermarket is also concerned that allowing one cat in would open the floodgates to “other, more unruly cats causing havoc”, but I can’t think of any such cats who would OH NEVER MIND.
Obviously if everyone were to take animals to the supermarket, it would be carnage. But perhaps just a few would, dare I say it, be quite fun? And the more exotic and unusual, the better. Therapy peacocks, anyone?
Catorze hopes that Ian wins his case. However, he also feels that Ian has a lot to learn, judging from the following statement about Chloe: “She brings structure to my life, she wakes me up in the morning, she tells me when to go to bed. It’s difficult to know how she feels about the relationship, but I feel that we’re a team now.”
Mon gars, cats are not our teammates. We are their bitches.
*Cat Daddy would like to thank everyone who sponsored him for the event, which he cycled in honour of Cat Granny.
louiscatorze.com 
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