Un fromage gras nourrit bien des vers

I am very upset, because I have consumed food from a plate that was licked by Louis Catorze. And, yes, I am fully aware that cats lick their arses. That’s why I am upset.

Ordinarily I would die a thousand deaths before anything licked by a cat touched my mouth. But, on this occasion, I just … FORGOT. I know. It’s embarrassing and pathetic.

I had settled down in the living room with a plate of Woodlands Melbury ewe’s milk cheese, and Catorze was on my lap. After I had finished the cheese, very unusually the little sod went to my plate and licked it from one side to the other, cleaning it of every microscopic crumb. Yes, I know that I only posted a few days ago to say that he didn’t really like cheese other than organic aged Comté. Now, it seems that either he has changed his mind, or the weird space-time fabric warp that took place last Friday is still in effect.

Anyway, after finishing my cheese, I wanted something sweet but couldn’t fetch it myself because I was trapped under Catorze, so I texted Cat Daddy and asked him to bring me some coconut. He brought me a big chunk on a chopping board, with a knife, and obviously I should have cut it up on the chopping board and eaten the bits from there. But I didn’t. I put the bits on the plate, and I only remembered the painful truth about the plate when I had eaten all the pieces but one.

Naturellement I have Googled “Will eating cat saliva kill me?” and it seems that it’s only life-threatening if it enters the blood stream, but the idea of it is so gut-wrenchingly vile that I would actually rather choose death. But I want a quick death. I don’t want the slow one that would come from worms eating me from my mouth downwards. (I am convinced that I can feel cat arse tapeworms slithering around in my mouth, in the same way that, if you talk at length about ants or fleas, eventually you’re sure that your skin is alive with them.)

So here I am, waiting to die. And Catorze is by my side, urging me to hurry up so that he can have Cat Daddy all to himself.

“Merde, she’s still alive.”

23 thoughts on “Un fromage gras nourrit bien des vers

  1. The way humans get tapeworms is by ingesting a flea which contains a tapeworm egg. That’s how the animals get them, by chewing at their fleas, So you are pretty safe from tapes at least. Hookworms and roundworms are spread differently (back inpioneer times people got hooks by walking barefoot in areas contaminated by animal manure. So probably not a high risk either, since Catorze didn’t walk across your plate.) And Catorze has been vetted often enough recently he is probably relatively worm free.
    For instance, drinking rattlesnake venom would not confer any immunity to the venom but it wouldn’t hurt you either – unless you had an open sore or cut on your lip, because it is a blood cell destroying venom and has to be injected into the bllood.. Cobra venom on the other hand would probably be sbaorbed right into the nervous system,

    But don’t try any of this at home.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. 😆😆😆 I share my yogurt with Miss Penny every morning and I sadly think I’m not dying (I wouldn’t mind). Don’t worry, there are way way way way more dangerous things in life than your food touching a plate that was licked by your cat 😀

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Usually she licks the bowl after I’m done eating, but sometimes she’s impatient and gets to lick the side a bit before I’m done. I don’t let her lick my spoon or anything, but I’m not super careful either.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. It looks like Louis’s worms don’t kill him. Therefore, how might they manage to kill you? Aren’t you stronger than your « little sod »? Anyway, take heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Chris will sometimes put his paw in my plate and pull it towards him to get a good smell. Sometimes I just let him because I have meat and I think he will smell that and go away. Sometimes he does but sometimes he has to taste it to be sure. I just continue eating like nothing happened. So far, I’m still okay

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Snoodle has a thing about licking my bedside cup – I have my water in a spill (i.e.cat paw) proof travel mug and she takes no interest in any other drinks but she is obsessed with this one. Usually I remember to wash it before using it but sometimes I don’t. I think I’m still alive…..

    Liked by 1 person

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