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Je crie, donc je suis

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Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, supreme ruler of Le Château, sworn enemy of canine foe and scourge of Ocado delivery drivers.

Month: Sep 2021

  • “Miam miam! Ce porridge est parfait!”

    Dampening down Louis Catorze’s Orijen is such a pain in the arse. I don’t mind doing it in principle, but I take exception to the unreasonably exacting specifications that we are required to meet. Food can be rejected for any of the following reasons: ⁃ Too big a portion: NON (goes stale) ⁃ Too small…

  • Où est ma bouffe?

    Cat Daddy and I placed an Ocado order recently and, on the day it was due to arrive, we learned that twenty-eight items would not be delivered. Well, I guess it was really twenty-seven since one of the items was substituted with the same product in a smaller pack size, but I consider that as…

  • La Cape d’Invisibilité est de retour

    Cat Daddy and I returned home from the cinema not long ago, to be greeted at the door by Louis Catorze and his raspy screaming. Yes, his voice is different since his surgery; whereas he used to sound like a whiny child whose mummy had just told him that he couldn’t have any ice cream,…

  • Le Roi diabolique

    The autumn chaos has started, and Louis Catorze is in big trouble. First of all, when Cat Daddy was organising some important papers, Sa Maj decided that a paperweight was required, and that he was it: Secondly, on the day of the autumn equinox, Catorze shamed us beyond words by attacking another cat who passed…

  • La saison de la citrouille

    It’s autumn! And I swear I can actually feel Louis Catorze’s powers growing with the new season, quite possibly because it’s peak visiting time for pilgrims and his creepy kitty sixth sense knows this. He has one visitor coming all the way from the west coast of Ireland at the weekend, and two more, who…

  • J’adore mon nouveau lit (enfin)

    Cat Daddy and I spent the weekend in the Midlands, watching Brentford beat Wolves. And, whilst there (not in the stadium, obviously, but in the place where we were staying) we bumped into these two magnificent chaps: Cat Daddy: “Is this, like, Black Cat Town or something?” If it is, I’m definitely coming back. In…

  • L’alpha et l’oméga (Plan B Partie 2)

    Since that time Louis Catorze came home caked in dust, his fur has been unbelievably soft and beautiful. Even Cat Daddy has noticed and commented. In seemingly-related but, in fact, completely separate news, we decided, a few weeks ago, to ditch Catorze’s beauty oil. The reasons for this were as follows: 1. We couldn’t cope…

  • J’adore la valériane

    Louis Catorze has had his post-op follow-up and all appears to be going well, although he needed an antibiotic shot because his gum is still a little inflamed. This is most likely because he insists on leaving the softened Orijen pellets, and just eating the hard ones around the edges of his bowl which escape…

  • Le repas à l’eau

    Louis Catorze is on liquid Gabapentin for his post-op recovery. I put the first dose on his fur, expecting him to groom it off, but he didn’t; he just let it air-dry on his body, then rubbed it back onto me. The second dose was spat into my face. So … going well so far.…

  • La chirurgie dentaire

    Louis Catorze’s dental surgery went well. Because the procedure took longer than expected, he missed the Animal Bus back and so we had to collect him from TW3. Whilst there, a little boy in the waiting room pointed to me and said, “Wow! Look at that lady’s cat bag!” (great) and a manic, disobedient puppy…

  • Les dents du Roi

    Louis Catorze is due to have his tooth extraction today. I don’t feel great about this. I am an anxious person by nature and I am particularly anxious when it comes to his health issues, which just seem to keep coming (although, to be fair, we were warned about this). And this week is my…

  • Je n’aime pas mon lit

    It’s been a couple of weeks since we (Cat Daddy: “What do you mean, “we”?”) bought Louis Catorze his new bed, and he still hasn’t slept in it. In fact, as if to try and spite us, he has been making a special effort to sleep in as many places as possible that are not…

  • Mon lit, c’est ma drogue

    I have unleashed the special party herbs and, although I was warned that the stuff sold with cat beds isn’t usually top-notch gear, Louis Catorze didn’t care. The good news is that he now knows that his new bed exists. The bad news is that he still hasn’t slept on it. In fact, he sees…

  • Le bain de poussière

    Dear Neighbours Who Are Renovating, I have great news: you won’t need to bother sweeping up your dust today. Our silly, once-black cat has taken the liberty of trespassing onto your property, and he has brought most of it* home in his coat. *It = the dust, not the property. Although both work equally well…