La flamme qui ne s’éteint jamais

Merci à Dieu et à tous ses anges: WE ARE ALLOWED OUT. Thank you to everyone who has asked after me, and special thanks to the pub, who delivered our takeaway Christmas dinner when we couldn’t collect, and to Oscar the dog’s folks, who braved the Herculean labour of collecting my meds from the pharmacy.

Being under house arrest in Le Château hasn’t been too much of a hardship, apart from Louis Catorze’s attempts to kill me, of course. We have, however, been missing our scented candles. Usually, during the Yuletide season, the place is filled with the heavenly scent of orange and cinnamon, or a Scandinavian pine forest. This year, of course, we can’t have scented candles because of our mutual friend.

Whilst it’s highly doubtful that they contribute to Catorze’s allergy problem, we don’t want to take any chances during a time when everywhere is shut. We have, however, resumed his daily sessions with an unscented beeswax candle, which are said to have air-purifying, anti-allergenic properties. I don’t have absolute proof that this works – although Catorze’s buddy Tau, a glamorous Bengal who also suffers from skin allergies, has had astonishingly good results with them – but it certainly can’t do any harm, and it makes me feel that I am doing something positive. And, because practice has made me better at candle-making, I am now able to turn out some half-decent ones and they no longer look like a snake that’s swallowed a cow whole.

Until now, Catorze has been pretty trustworthy around candles. I wouldn’t appoint him Fire Safety Warden or anything like that but, generally, if I leave the room to make a quick cup of tea, I can rely on everything to remain exactly as I left them.

However, with this being 2020 an’ all, the little sod decided to throw a little curveball into the mix. You see the burning candle at the bottom left of the photo? And you see the blue blanket atop the sofa on the right? You would imagine they were far enough apart to be safe, right?

The calm before the cat.

Well …

Just add one psycho vampire kitty high on steroids and you have the perfect recipe for disaster. Cat Daddy and I watched, frozen in shock, as the little sod burrowed into the folds of the blanket and rolled BOTH IT AND HIMSELF off the top of the sofa and towards the candle.

Q: How do you make a sausage roll? A: Push it.

Luckily he didn’t burn down the house (this time), but we consider ourselves well and truly warned.

Here he is having another go, although this time he decided not to make himself part of the incendiary sausage roll (non-Brits, ask your British friends) and, instead, just pushed the flammable object in the direction of the naked flame:

“Ça a l’air rigolo!”
“Ce n’était pas moi.”

Cats, candles and flammable objects: just be careful out there, everyone. 2020 isn’t quite over, and it could yet have a sting in its tail.

20 thoughts on “La flamme qui ne s’éteint jamais

  1. I’m glad you were there, of course I know that you would not leave a burning candle when not in proximity. He really is a character. If there is such a thing, I wonder what his earlier incarnation was, though I doubt he would ascend to a higher recarnation.

    (How nice to see the graphite hand!)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Goodness, no, I wouldn’t leave him in a room with a burning candle! Now that I’ve seen his arson attempts I’ve even moved the toy cats that were on top of the speaker, in case he felt the need to leap up there and knock them onto the floor. For someone who’s supposed to be ill, he’s causing way too much trouble!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. On the rare times I have burnt candles (when I was more subject to migraines) I have set them in the middle of the sink, which is deep enough that even being tipped over there was little chance of damage. But with cats, there is always a slight possibility.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I’ve put them in the sink before, too, with a couple of centimetres of water in the bottom just in case. 🤣🤣🤣


  3. Is he still trying to kill you within the ‘28 days since positive test’?
    As said by another famous cat (who wears a hat) ‘I’ll get you and it’ll look like a bloody accident!’

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Je souhaite á la famille Catorze un joyeux nouvelle annėė plein de bonne sante. Merci pour partager votre petit rebelle. Vous apportez un rire á les temps dificiles 😸

    Liked by 1 person

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