C’tait la veille de Noël

~ iamthesunking 
'Twas the night before Noël, and in Le Château
A creature was screaming; quite why, we don’t know.
No stocking was hung by this cat’s human slaves.
(Saint Nick only visits the ones who behave.)
The well-behaved pets were all snug in their beds,
While visions of summertime danced in their heads;
Cat Daddy with red wine and I, with my gin,
Had just settled down to watch “Holiday Inn”
When, out at The Front, there arose such a clatter.
We sprang from the room to see what was the matter.
Away through the hallway we flew to the door,
Our lightning-quick feet barely touching the floor.
When what to our wondering eyes did appear,
But an evil, horned demon with devilish sneer
And the foul, rotting odour of sulphur from hell.
We knew it was Krampus, the beast of Noël.
More rapid than eagles his goblins they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, Beelzebub! now, Lilith! now Azazel and Adrian!
On, Pazuzu! on, Satan! on, Lucifer and Damian!
To the top of the porch!” we then heard Krampus shout.
“Let’s grab that bad kitty, then get the hell out!”
And then, in a twinkling, they heard small paws plod:
The soft pitter-patter of one little sod.
As they drew in their heads and were turning around,
Sa Maj down the hallway approached with a bound.
He was jet black in fur, from his toes to his head,
And he screamed bloody murder, which filled them with dread.
His razor-sharp fangs were both shining bright white. 
He looked like a vampire preparing to bite.
Sheer terror filled Krampus and his entourage
(Despite this loud kitty not being that large)
And the shrill, piercing screams made the goblins’ ears bleed;
First they froze still with shock, then retreated at speed.
And, putting his fingers inside of his ears,
With a terrified whimper, eyes filling with tears,
Poor Krampus sprang back, to his team gave a yell,
And away they all flew just like bats out of hell.
But we heard him exclaim, ere he flew out of sight:
“Even hell hath no demon like that little shite!”

37 thoughts on “C’tait la veille de Noël”

  4. Oh you are so good. The best Xmas poem I’ve ever read, had me laughing out loud at which Popper gave me the stink eye with a look that meant shut up.

    Happy Krampus/St Nick to all at le chateau. And may the new year bring many amazing stories.

    (I hope you can fine/stream my favorite holiday movie, Rare Exports, Krampus is scary indeed.)

    Love to all. xo

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  5. Very clever writing! I love that! May I have permission to share it with all due credit to my other cat lover friends? I have no doubt they will love it as well💖

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    1. How absolutely lovely that you would like to share! Thank you. That’s no problem at all. Joyeux Noël!

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      2. Thank you so much! I have 5 black cats and one ornery orange one so I love reading what the “only child” gets into. Happy Yule from us to you and yours! 🎄

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    1. Thank you! And thanks for your help in trying to fix the bug. As you said, at least it was WordPress this time and not Catorze sitting on my laptop and deleting the entire blog with his arse. Joyeux Noël!

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  9. I’ve just recently started reading your hilarious blog again (following a long break from social media) and it always puts such a smile on my face.. this is just brilliant and so had to comment! Happy Christmas and New Year – look forward to reading many more 🙂

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  10. That is inspired!! You could use it as the basis to write a really scary childrens’ book…. I will be re-reading this a few times when I need a chuckle xxxxxxxx

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