louiscatorze.com
Je crie, donc je suis
Tag: hunting
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What’s something you believe everyone should know? I want everyone to know that our cuddly, purring little overlords are actually murderous psychopaths. However, I think the world is starting to catch onto this. I’ve been watching American Detective on Discovery Plus. One of the best things about it is the acerbic presenter who, when the…
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Based on true events A story by Louis Catorze’s human cousin Eva, aged 9 *WARNING: CONTAINS GRAPHIC REFERENCES TO MURDER.* DAY 1 Hour 1: silence. The cats still aren’t home. I honestly can’t believe my life is to sit and sit, alerting motion, and how much do I get paid? Nothing. Not a fart. Now…
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I have just arrived home after the football. In the time it took me to go upstairs, take off my make-up and change my clothes, Louis Catorze managed to produce a mouse from somewhere and place it in the usual trophy cabinet at the bottom of the stairs. When I came back downstairs he was…
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Cat Daddy and I are away at the moment, and the same chat-sitting friend who looked after Louis Catorze in July is looking after him again. We went away utterly unconcerned and full of confidence that everything would go well; after all, one of the good things about Catorze is that, despite being a massive…
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When it comes to hunting, Louis Catorze commits to it for a few days, then does nothing for months. This is both good (it’s not a daily occurrence) and bad (just when we think he’s grown too old for it, we have the shock of another headless mouse with the blood drained from its body).…
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Cat Daddy came home from his weekend away on Monday morning. Upon his return, Louis Catorze completely failed to acknowledge him, choosing, instead, to sleep on my lap. This kind of behaviour is utterly out of character for him. And there was no full moon, no Mercury Retrograde, no thinning of the veil, no Lucifer…
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We all know how much Louis Catorze enjoys Rodent Duty, but it seems that he has bountifully decided to share the joy with his comrades. Blue the Smoke Bengal – who hasn’t really visited us much since that time Catorze hissed at him in front of the whole street – has decided to join the…
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If it’s true that cats are master actors when it comes to hiding pain, Louis Catorze is giving us the full Day-Lewis (younger followers: ask your parents) at the moment. Somehow, in the midst of all his dental issues, he is continuing to hunt. Cat Daddy heard him gadding about in the corridor one evening.…
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We have had something of a Clouseau-style whodunnit mystery to solve at Le Château: a trail of pale feathers leading from our garden and through the gap in the fence, then coming to an end in a massive pile of feathers in the middle of the Zone Libre. Now, I know what you’re all thinking,…
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Cat Daddy really should know better. 10:00pm: He complains that Louis Catorze hasn’t caught any rodents or birds all year, and claims that cats who hunt are more manly than those who don’t (?). 4.39am the next day: The little sod screams repeatedly in my face (note: not in Cat Daddy’s face but in MINE)…
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The Wild Hunt, according to legend, is a cavalcade of spectral hunters, horses and hounds that glides through the sky. Any unwary folk who are out and about and who happen to catch sight of this spectacle are likely to be swept up by the spirits and carried away. Here at Le Château we have…
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One big difference between me and Cat Daddy, in terms of our attitude and preferences regarding pets, is that he likes show-off animals who do lots of zany things, whereas I just want a quiet one who won’t give me any grief. Blue the Smoke Bengal’s mamma told us last week that, since quarantine began,…
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Louis Catorze’s hours and hours spent outside, presumably on Rodent Duty, have finally paid off: the little sod delivered a mouse to me at 4:30 yesterday morning. I awoke to the sound of pitter-pattering and squeaking, then turned on the light just in time to see my sweet boy not only deliver the killer blow…
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Yesterday I pinged my calf muscle whilst running across the road to catch the bus. (The urban legend is true, Mesdames: ultra-flat ballet pumps really are worse than heels due to their lack of support.) Cat Daddy has been showing his support by cooking for me and bringing me ice packs and cheer-up champagne. Louis…
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