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Je crie, donc je suis

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Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, supreme ruler of Le Château, sworn enemy of canine foe and scourge of Ocado delivery drivers.

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  • J’ai dégusté ses poils avec des fèves au beurre et un excellent Chianti

    On Friday night there was no sign of Louis Catorze, which was rather unusual as he has slept on our bed with us pretty much every night ever since the first day he came to live with us. That said, since the time he hid somewhere in the house (hiding place still unknown) and we…

  • Le froid ne m’a jamais dérangé de toute façon

    We all know that Louis Catorze isn’t really one for doing what we would expect (or want). In 37-degree heat, he heads for the sun. In thunderstorms, he heads outside. And, if faced with a larger and more ferocious animal who could kill him in an instant, he pitter-patters towards it, up-tailed and screaming. However,…

  • Ce chat est une chose que je ne peux pas expliquer

    *WARNING: CONTAINS GRAPHIC REFERENCES TO NASAL MUCUS. DO NOT READ THIS WHILST EATING OR DRINKING.* After his 729th escape out at The Front this week, Louis Catorze rolled in with his hindquarters looking like this: No, we have no idea what it was, but it appeared to be something organic rather than artificial. And, although…

  • Des cris aigus

    Although I probably give the impression that Louis Catorze only has two settings – Screaming and Asleep – in actual fact he has a number of different voices, as described in this post: https://louiscatorze.com/2018/11/11/je-gueule-donc-je-suis/ My favourite sound is now numéro 2 on the list and, although we only used to hear it when he was…

  • L’amitié est un trésor

    The beautician who does home visits tends to be mysteriously “fully booked” during the days surrounding Hallowe’en. She and Louis Catorze did make their peace** after that unfortunate incident* but I fear that, just to be on the safe side, she avoids him during Peak Psycho Time. And I can’t say that I really blame…

  • Le chat hérite de la Terre

    Tonight is the biggest firework night of the year. And, as is the case every year, Le Château will be surrounded by bangs, crashes and whoops of all kinds. Most normal pets will be taking cover somewhere safe. However, if his behaviour last weekend – when a scattering of smaller-scale firework displays took place –…

  • Écharpe 2,0

    I have finally finished knitting Cat Daddy’s Brentford FC scarf, just in time for today’s match against Huddersfield. The knitting experience has taught me a number of things: 1. Drink-knitting is a thing and, like drink-driving, it should be avoided at all costs. 2. No matter how many times you unpick and redo the bits…

  • Le nombre de la bête

    A few weeks ago I posted this photo and comment (below) on social media, in response to a video of a dog rescuing someone from the water. As you can see, there are a lot of people out there who, like me, know that cats are psychopaths who would happily drown us all if they…

  • La menace fantôme

    With Hallowe’en just around the corner, Louis Catorze has ramped up the creepy to Expert Level. He has started opening doors and shutters, and he is remarkably good at it. However, when we wake up to find the wardrobe doors open it can feel very unnerving. Think Sixth-Sense-meets-Poltergeist and you will understand what I mean.…

  • Le dernier testament

    As we approach that time of year whose very essence is darkness and death, it somehow seems apt to mention that Cat Daddy and I have just been for a meeting with our solicitor about our wills. And it went something like this: “Have you written a will before?” “No.” “Do you have any idea…

  • La chasse aux baies

    Poor old Louis Catorze. Here he is, dutifully fixed to his post at the virginia creeper and utterly unaware that the tantalising sounds within are, in fact … falling berries. Oui, mes amis: there are no birds, no mice and no bugs, nor has he discovered an opening to The Underworld. It’s just berries. Cat…

  • Le pouvoir du vampire

    This week I asked some of my students whether they liked dogs or cats. They said cats. This is the correct answer. The conversation then led to our own cats, past and present, including, of course, Louis Catorze, and at the end of the lesson I showed them a photo of him. They were utterly…

  • Je chasse, donc je suis

    Whilst most normal cats are opting for indoors as the temperatures drop, Louis Catorze has been doing the opposite. This will, of course, be of no surprise to anyone. He has been spending more time outdoors than he ever did in the height of summer, even/especially when it’s raining. In fact, we have barely seen…

  • De nouveaux horizons

    Cat Daddy and I are a little sad because we have had to give up Kim*, our lovely, reliable car who never gave us any trouble. (Although we do, of course, realise that we lead a very fortunate life if that’s our greatest upset.) *Not named after Kim Kardashian, I might add, but after, erm,…