Cat puke: never fun to deal with, but even less fun when you hear the sound but then fail to find the evidence immediately. I’m still haunted by the time I heard Louis Catorze puking in 2018 (or maybe 2016, I don’t remember anymore) yet the puke remains undiscovered, to this day.
One peaceful morning, when I was happily sipping my coffee and minding my own business, this horrible history repeated itself. I heard the telltale “hork-hork” klaxon, went to investigate but found neither cat nor puke.
After turning over ever last cm² of tile and floorboard on the ground floor of Le Château, I eventually discovered it on the second most undesirable surface in the house: the front doormat, whose textured, honeycomb surface doesn’t lend itself well to being cleaned with a spray and kitchen towel.
I guess at least it wasn’t carpet (again). But why in the name of sweet baby Jesus can’t the little sods do it on the floor?
After the spray and kitchen towel failed dismally, I was forced to take the mat outside for a heavier-duty clean with boiling water, then I left it there to dry.
Cat Daddy, later: “Why is the doormat outside?”
Me: “Because SOMEBODY puked on it.”
Cat Daddy: “What an absolute ****ing ****. I bet he walked up and down for ages, deciding where to do it.”
Yes. That sounds like the sort of thing Catorze would do.
Here he is, utterly unrepentant. And I bet he would do it again tomorrow, if he could.
For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
louiscatorze.com 
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