louiscatorze.com

Louis Catorze has just been for his Yuletide steroid jab. 

The little sod was starting to scratch and his fur was thinning around the eyes, so we knew that it was almost time. He would probably have lasted another week or two before things turned desperate. However, we wanted to avoid the festive frenzy when every animal in the country will require veterinary treatment, having waited all year for the least convenient time. 

Naturellement, with half an hour to go, we couldn’t find Catorze. Searching for him isn’t exactly fun at the best of times but, right now, my knees and shoulder are bad, and Cat Daddy’s knees and lower back are REALLY bad, so the last thing we wanted to do was scrabble around trying to extract a cat from a horrendously inaccessible sleeping spot. Yet there we were, shunting boxes and suitcases around under the bed until one of them successfully dislodged Catorze from where he had settled, right in the centre and out of reach. 

Cat Daddy: “It’s like being a grouse beater.” Nah. I bet they have more fun.

The drive there was the usual screamathon, which faded momentarily, only to resume with extra vigour once we had entered the Gates of Hell and Catorze realised where we were. 

The good news is that Catorze is exactly the same weight as he was on his last visit, and he didn’t even flinch when the needle went into him. Cat Daddy was so shocked that he started singing, “Louis Catorze, he’s on his way home”, to the tune of Sloop John B, IN FRONT OF THE VET. 

As we paid the bill, the receptionist expressed sympathy that “the poor little love” had to endure so many vet visits. She then revealed that she had ten (!) cats, of which just one needed regular treatment. “I bring him in quite a lot, but nowhere near the level of …” [nodding towards Catorze, who started screaming again]. 

Me: “…”

Cat Daddy: “…”

Anyway, Catorze is now itch-free and can look forward to a comfortable festive season. And Cat Daddy and I have £90 less to spend on Christmas dinner. I was about to say, “Catorze couldn’t have planned it better” but he would probably view that as a dare, and we really don’t want that. 

For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com