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Sa Majesté Louis Catorze, Le Roi Soleil, supreme ruler of Le Château, sworn enemy of canine foe and scourge of Ocado delivery drivers.

L’éclat éternel de l’esprit immaculé

What was the last thing you learned?

I wish it were possible to unsee and/or unremember displeasing facts. Very little displeases me more than explicit talk of rear ends and bowel movements, but I’m sharing this information because most of my friends pick crud out of their cats’ eyes with their bare hands*. So they won’t lose any sleep over a bit of poo talk. 

*YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

The people to blame for this are Dr Anish Sheth, a gastroenterologist (who came up with the theory) and my friend AnnMarie (who shared the information with the world). 

Have you ever witnessed Cat Zoomies aka The Mad Half Hour, when cats thunder around the house at top speed? Now, the link between this behaviour and bathroom business may not be immediately apparent. But, please, bear with me. According to Anish Sheth, “the distension that comes with the passing of a large stool causes the vagus nerve to fire, resulting in a drop in the heart rate and blood pressure which in turn decreases blood flow to the brain. The resulting mild lightheadedness can lead to a high and hence cat zoomies.”

Oui, Mesdames et Messieurs: we thought our cats were just being playful and quirky when they galloped around the house but, in actual fact, they’ve just had a massive shit. 

Thank you, Dr Sheth and AnnMarie, for crushing my blissful ignorance. Life will never be the same again. 

We know what he’s just been doing.

For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com

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30 responses to “L’éclat éternel de l’esprit immaculé”

  1. mcmcneil1 avatar
    mcmcneil1

    My cats are older so they don’t get zoomies too much but when they do(and when they did, when they were younger) I never saw a correlation with their litter box activities. Catorze’s expression seems to support this view.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      Catorze still gets the zoomies! 🤣🤣🤣

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  2. Lou Carreras avatar
    Lou Carreras

    What then accounts for the insane destructiveness of some vats in their “zoomie” state. Some of it seems directed to things on our shelves and bookcases that we value…it’s not all random. Clancy would sometimes end a zoomie with a physical attack…from above if possible. and write now as I am writing this I have two of them watching me.

    Liked by 1 person

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  3. M - avatar
    M –

    I clean eye boogers out of Ramses’ eyes every morning. Sometimes nose gunk,too. Yes, with my bare hands/nails.

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      *Shudder* I couldn’t bear to do that! I do it with a tissue, but never with my hands. 🤢

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  4. ponderingabsurdist avatar
    ponderingabsurdist

    I have indeed noticed that after dropping a deuce in the box my girls tend to be a bit lighter and faster on their feet for a little while.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      “Dropping a deuce”! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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  5. mmechapeau avatar
    mmechapeau

    I’m not sure « that » is the only possible explanation, but of course, I’m not an outstanding expert as Dr Anish Sheth 😺.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      I could investigate further but I daren’t.

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    2. mmechapeau avatar
      mmechapeau

      I can’t investigate because Timon prefers going outside for a poop 😺 .

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. iamthesunking avatar
        iamthesunking

        So does Catorze, but we’ve assumed – from the fact that his zoomies happen after a trip outside – that the theory is probably true.

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      2. mmechapeau avatar
        mmechapeau

        So far, I have thought zoomies which happened after a trip outside were a resultiing effect of bug bites.

        Liked by 1 person

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        1. iamthesunking avatar
          iamthesunking

          You could still be right? Maybe the good doctor was mistaken?

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          1. ponderingabsurdist avatar
            ponderingabsurdist

            I never let my girls outside, and they still run around after a trip to the box for number two.

            Liked by 1 person

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        2. mmechapeau avatar
          mmechapeau

          Poo talk is not really my thing, but our previous cat who was a female used to go into her litter for a poop. Even if she was outside, she came back inside to do this activity in her litter.
          But she had also zoomies which happened after a trip outside, hence our explanation accusing the bugs.

          Liked by 1 person

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          1. iamthesunking avatar
            iamthesunking

            Some cats just find any excuse!

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  6. alicephilippa avatar
    alicephilippa

    I thought we all cleared eye crud with bare fingers (yes even Baggy’s).

    The vagus nerve theory is something I’d read about before and is something I can well believe. I know it’s possible from personal experience due to intermittent bowel issues due to medication.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      You thought WE ALL cleared eye crud with bare fingers? 😳

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  7. Kate Crimmins avatar
    Kate Crimmins

    Eye crud, yes but what about nose boogers. My cat Gus has spring allergies that result in a booger on his left nostril. I did know about the zoomies and a good dump. I thought it was so help the bowel contractions but whatever…it works. I should try it sometime although I’d look silly running around the house.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      Oh dear, is Gus amenable to having his snot removed?

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Kate Crimmins avatar
        Kate Crimmins

        No but that doesn’t stop me.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
  8. RasmaSandra avatar
    RasmaSandra

    I am still reeling from my tragedy. I walk into my workroom on Wednesday morning to see the small trash basket strewn about and Freddie lying over a spoke of my PC chair. Never did that before. Then came realization he was not even 3 years old and not sick but just keeled over and died. I am slowly dealing with this. His sister Tish seems to not have been affected much but then I sure wish she and I could discuss this in English,

    Liked by 1 person

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    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      Oh good grief! What a horrendous shock for you! Do you know what happened? Heart murmur? I am so sorry.

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. RasmaSandra avatar
        RasmaSandra

        Absolutely no idea just goodbye. Imagine one day leaping on top of a tall bookcase and then next…… With my anxiety I am surprised to be doing as well as I am but certainly trying.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply
        1. iamthesunking avatar
          iamthesunking

          I don’t know what to say. That’s just so awful! I guess at least it sounds as if it was mercifully quick, but just such a shock for all concerned.

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply
  9. sevencatsandcounting avatar
    sevencatsandcounting

    Oh, no, eye crud with bare fingers? My cats would never stand for that. My dogs, on the other hand…

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      So … you wouldn’t do cats, but you’d do dogs? ANY animal’s eye crud with bare fingers just makes me want to die.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  10. cat9984 avatar
    cat9984

    I’m with you. I could have lived without that knowledge. Although we don’t have many zoomies around here from any of the cats. (Unless Sarge is chasing one of the ladies. He really doesn’t understand boundaries at all.)

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      Aww, Sarge doesn’t understand boundaries! Do the ladies put him in his place?

      Liked by 1 person

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      1. cat9984 avatar
        cat9984

        Snoops snarls, but Gypsy bops him in the nose. Figures that he and Gypsy are friends. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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