What are your feelings about eating meat?
Meat? Meh (although Louis Catorze is partial to a bit of jambon de Bayonne).
Fish? OH MON DIEU.
This ear-bleeding din (below) was just a small part of what happened when I accidentally dropped a piece of tuna on the floor. I actually missed the loudest and most unpleasant moments because I was too slow in picking up my phone, but what you can see and hear is bad enough, isn’t it?
Catorze started screaming long before he was even in the kitchen, and I assumed that he had been drawn by the smell. But he shot in at such speed that I wondered if he’d actually HEARD the piece drop to the floor, either with his Creepy Kitty Sixth Sense or like one of those monsters from A Quiet Place who hunt using sound.
After devouring the stray piece of tuna, the sight of which cut him off abruptly, mid-scream, he obviously hoped to unearth another piece from somewhere. The little sod hovered over every millimetre of floor, like a forensic detective searching for that one errant droplet of blood which would convict his suspect, despite never having been interested in tuna in his life, all the while making this horrendous sound. Obviously he has screamed before – in fact he screams every day – but I don’t think I I have ever heard this particular sound. Nor do I especially wish to hear it again.
Worse yet, I was home alone and very close to escaping to a neighbour’s house for help, but I didn’t want the embarrassment of having to say, “I dropped some tuna on the floor and now all hell has broken loose”.
How do we cast out this monster that we’ve created? Please don’t tell me that, since I invited the vampire into our home, I’m now stuck with him forever?
For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
louiscatorze.com 
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