Tell us about the last thing you got excited about
PART SIX. WHAT IS HAPPENING?
Well, this prompt is easy for Louis Catorze for answer: it was salmon. Yes, again.
Remember when I told you that we could no longer eat smoked salmon in this house ever again? Well, it seems that not even bog-standard canned salmon is safe; I have just been subjected to the most terrifying screaming and physical assault because Catorze wanted my dinner and I wasn’t giving in.
First his head swivelled round and round like Regan from The Exorcist, trying to find the source of the irresistible smell. Then, when he realised it was me (well, not ME – you know what I mean), that was it: I was stomped upon, headbutted and screamed at. A couple of times, he took a break from his attack to go to his own bowl. But, when he realised that it only contained plebby Orijen, he came back to ambush me again.
Cat Daddy: “See what you’ve done?”
Me: “WHAT? I’m just sitting here trying to eat my dinner!”
Him: “You left that smoked salmon out. You put out a bowl for him, in his room*. You’ve created a monster.”
*This is the first time I’ve heard that the living room is Catorze’s room, but tant pis.
Saint Jésus et tous ses anges: smoked salmon and canned salmon are not REMOTELY the same thing! However, what matters is that nobody has told Catorze this. And, if we try, he just screams more loudly, in a “Laaa laaa, not listening!” kind of way.
I was able to get some small snippets of the drama on video (not an easy feat, when also trying to keep an irresistible plate away from the attacker):
And there was also this face:
I managed to eat my dinner – just about – but, in my haste to do so, I gave myself awful indigestion afterwards.
I shall say it again: this is our life now. And that’s a very scary thought indeed.
For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
louiscatorze.com 
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