(HOW are we up to Part 4 of this?)
Since The Great Salmon Grab, Cat Daddy and I have been very nervous about buying hot-smoked salmon again. We took some on holiday to Scotland, and bought more whilst up there, but we haven’t really had the experience of attempting to eat it at home with a demented cat trying to wrestle us for it.
A couple of nights ago, I decided that it was the night. My plan was to wait until Louis Catorze was out before preparing the salmon. It was a warm evening, so he would probably spend most of it in the garden on Rodent Duty outside, non?
Well … NON.
The little sod just wouldn’t go out. He just loitered suspiciously around the living room, probably imagining that I couldn’t see him but I knew his game.
Sadly, he also knew MY game, and he wasn’t moving. At least, not before suddenly retching and producing the most enormous triple-puke I have ever seen. I swear that the whole lot combined would have weighed more than him. After cleaning up the unholy mess, suddenly I wasn’t really in the mood for food. And, having ruined my dinner plans by making me too repulsed to eat, Catorze’s work was done so he finally went out.
I then realised that this could be my only chance to eat the hot-smoked salmon undisturbed. So, despite not really being hungry, I prepared a cauliflower rice risotto with lemon, dill and black pepper, then placed the salmon fillet on top, and settled back down in the living room to enjoy it.
As soon as I sat down, Catorze was back. In fact, he was so quick that I wouldn’t be at all surprised if he had pretended to go outside, just to trick me. And, for the next fifteen minutes, I was subjected to a torrent of clambering, headbutting and, of course, the most God-awful screaming. I don’t have evidence of it, because I wasn’t able to eat AND fight off a homicidal cat AND film the proceedings with just two hands. But, believe me, it was bad.
And that, Mesdames et Messieurs, is the tragic tale of how we can never eat hot-smoked salmon at home again. What has happened to our sweet little cat who had no interest in our food? And how go we get rid of this evil changeling that’s somehow been swapped with him?
For more Catorzian capers, please visit http://louiscatorze.com
louiscatorze.com 
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