Cat Daddy: “The red carpet in the living room looks awful. I can’t believe it’s worn down so quickly.”

Me: “Erm, it didn’t wear down.”

Him: “What do you mean?”

Me: “…”

Him: “What happened to it, then, if it didn’t wear down?”

Me: “…”

Him: “Oh my God. Please don’t tell me it was HIM?”

Me: “…”

Him: “[Unrepeatable Expletives of the Worst Kind]”

Oui, Mesdames et Messieurs: he leaves the Yuletide tree and the leather furnishings well alone, but Louis Catorze will attack carpet with every ounce of his evil little being. Carpeted surfaces are his bête noire – or, rather, he is theirs – so it’s just as well we don’t have many in Le Château. But what an almighty mess he’s made of the few that we do have.

So I’m snipping out the unsightly white stringy bits – they ruin every photo taken in this room – and hoping for the best. No doubt as soon as they are gone, Catorze will scratch up new ones, and when they’re cut out he will scratch up other new ones, and so on, until we cave pathetically and buy a new carpet.

Meanwhile, the little sod has no opinion one way or the other. Indifference is what he does, and he does it so well.

“Get a new carpet. Don’t get a new carpet. Whatever. Couldn’t give a merde.”
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20 responses to “Dérouler le tapis rouge”

  1. Mary McNeil avatar
    Mary McNeil

    Have you tried Astroturf ?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      I wonder if anyone does have astroturf indoors? 🤣🤣🤣

      Like

      1. Mary McNeil avatar
        Mary McNeil

        Indoor/outdoor carpeting isn’t Astroturf but it’s pretty tough.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Bipolar's gf avatar

    Be grateful. Claude poos on mine.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      Oh my word, nooooo!

      Like

  3. cat9984 avatar

    Maybe he’d prefer a black one, to match his coat.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      I don’t think he discriminates! He goes for all our house carpet in equal measure. 😩😩😩

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Lou Carreras avatar

    I used to have fleece on the floor in front of the bed. The Menace used to attack it and drag it off to use for terrible purposes. I’d find it in all parts of the house, bent, twisted, and mutilated. Current cat, Xenia is scared of anything like that.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      “For terrible purposes”! 🤣🤣🤣

      Liked by 1 person

  5. mmechapeau avatar
    mmechapeau

    I can’t choose what is worse: being the « bête noire » of a black cat or being a « bête noire » when you are a red carpet…
    Anyway, our bathroom carpet looks like yours thanks to our tabby cat.
    😺

    Liked by 2 people

    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      Oh dear, really? Bad tabby kitty! They are so naughty!

      Like

    2. mmechapeau avatar
      mmechapeau

      Yes, really.
      Every day, there are a lot of white worms which appear magically.
      😺

      Liked by 2 people

      1. iamthesunking avatar
        iamthesunking

        Do you cut them out?

        Like

      2. mmechapeau avatar
        mmechapeau

        Ours are smaller than yours and they disappear when we brush the carpet.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Herman avatar
    Herman

    Such an important cat and star in the cat world deserves a red carpet. Always…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      And he has one. But he’s made it look terrible. 😩😩😩

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Herman avatar
        Herman

        Mais, bien sûr, tout le monde ne peut pas être une vedette.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. sevencatsandcounting avatar

    Carpets have been all but banned from our house. Multiply le roi’s destruction by 6 and then factor in 4 dogs…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. iamthesunking avatar
      iamthesunking

      Oh my! I can just imagine!

      Like

      1. sevencatsandcounting avatar

        Please don’t. It’s grim.

        Liked by 1 person

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