Les grands oiseaux

Cat Daddy’s war against the wildlife is intensifying. Not content with issuing a fatwa on the squirrels, he is now after the birds. Or, to be precise, the large birds.

Apparently, when he set up the bird feeder, he “only wanted small birds to use it”. In fact, its construction doesn’t permit large ones to feed, so I thought he would be satisfied with that. However, the messier of the smaller birds – starlings, I’m looking in your direction – drop bits below when feeding, and it is here that the larger ones take advantage. I don’t feel we should discriminate, especially as we can’t do anything about the extraneous matter that falls on the ground nor the undesirables that gather around it, but Cat Daddy disagrees. And he is cross with Louis Catorze for not doing his bit to deter said undesirables.

Cat Daddy is that grumpy old man that our parents warned us about, who sits by the window with a stick. Sometimes he runs out brandishing his stick, calling the pigeons rude names. And, occasionally, he watches Catorze out there and talks to him the way the Formula One teams talk to their drivers through their Bluetooth headsets, except that Catorze can’t hear him. (And even if he could, he would ignore.)

This is the sort of thing I hear on a daily basis:

Cat Daddy: “Fat bastard pigeon. Come on, Louis, do something! No, not the chaffinch! That’s one of the nice birds! Noooo, don’t go after the nice birds! God, what’s the point in having a f***ing cat?”

Cat Daddy’s most recent addition to the arsenal is this ugly green netting (see picture below), which he claims is to protect the strawberry plants but we all know that it’s to stop the larger birds from picking up scraps that fall beneath the feeder. He has also placed some bamboo canes there, all poking out at various sharp angles for extra menacingness.

This is all going a bit Mad Max. Even Catorze is genuinely fearful of how it will all end.

We dare you, large birds.

23 thoughts on “Les grands oiseaux

  1. Cat Daddy needs to plant some multiflora rose under the feeders. Soon the thorns will be so thick that only smaller birds can get into the branches.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. In addition, aren’t there some field mice or worst some rats in the neighborhood? They also like taking advantage of the bits that fall.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha, thank you! It still doesn’t fully communicate the horror of living with homicidal Cat Daddy, though … 😩


  3. Since this morning, I have wondered about Cat Daddy’s fat bastard pigeons being either wood pigeons or city pigeons.
    Des pigeons ramiers ou des pigeons idiots [ according to Renaud ]

    Thank you for your answer.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I totally empathize with Cat Daddy! We don’t have pigeons here but huge magpies who poop all over my balcony and steal the food I want to give to Pumpkin (the resident squirrel) and small birds, too. The magpies take it all, poop everywhere, make a lot of noise, fight together, and scare everyone else! So I had to stop feeding everyone 😦 And Miss Penny, like Sa Maj, is totally useless! *le sigh*

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh no! Magpies! We get them, too, and they taunt the heck out of Le Roi, who screams back. Magpies are pretty horrid!


    1. Cocoa the babysit cat and his sister Chanel are the king and queen of this. Blue the Smoke Bengal is also a lethal killing machine!


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