Because I am usually at work when our cleaning lady is round, I don’t often get to see what Louis Catorze is like when she is cleaning.

Most cats would run for the hills at the sight of a stranger brandishing a vacuum cleaner but, whilst he doesn’t love the sound of it, he’s not afraid, either. On one occasion, during the school holidays, I was able to see his response. As you can see from the video below, he was more outraged than frightened, and he screamed and screamed at me as if to say, “Well? Aren’t you going to do anything about this?”

Since lockdown, during which Cat Daddy and I have been cleaning the house ourselves (although we have still been paying our cleaning lady), I began to notice some very peculiar behaviour from Catorze in the bathroom. He has never shown much interest in the bathroom before now but, on Cleaning Day, he can’t wait to pitter-patter around it, sniffing in every corner (paying particular attention to the toilet), before having one of his psycho fits, jumping onto furniture and knocking stuff onto the floor.

Cat Daddy: “That’s just him. That’s what he’s like.”

Me: “No, this isn’t his usual style. Something weird is going on. I honestly think he’s … ahem … getting high on the bleach.”

[Silence, tumbleweed, crickets]

Cat Daddy: “That’s just bloody stupid.”

Now, I am fully aware of how idiotic this sounds. After all, the only thing more ridiculous than getting high on bleach is injecting it. But a quick Google indicates that I might be right, and if it’s on the internet it has to be true, non?

It seems to be quite a common thing, although there must be a serious glitch in The Matrix if my cat’s conduct in any way resembles that of other/normal cats. And it’s worrying that this particular habit sees him irresistibly drawn to a substance that could kill him.

The worst thing is that I have a faint recollection of someone in a cat social media group, many years ago, talking about her cat doing something similar, and I found it hysterically funny. Ain’t karma a bitch?

Anyway, it’s now the day after Cleaning Day (at the time of writing) and clearly the bleach fumes are still lingering, because Catorze keeps trying to get into the bathroom and is hollering at me to open the door. Cat Daddy has abandoned me to my fate of Death By Punctured Eardrums and gone out for a bike ride to get some peace.

If you fancy some light reading about cats and bleach, have a look at this link. Be warned, however, that the reason why they like it is pretty disgusting:

https://www.thecatvet.co.uk/jo-blogs-the-cat-vet-blog/eau-de-domestos-does-your-cat-have-a-bleach-fetish